Don't remember the comedian's name, but heard this sometime in the 1980's:
Two guys shooting the shit. One says to the other, "If you heard the sirens go off, and the TV guy said 'the bombs are coming, we've got eight minutes before they get here,' what would you do?"
The second guy says, "I'd fuck anything that moves. What would you do?"
The first guy says, "I'd stand absolutely still."