Author Topic: make someone laugh  (Read 139769 times)

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Offline Calandale

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2160 on: February 06, 2008, 12:34:32 AM »
Made me smile

Offline vodz

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2161 on: February 06, 2008, 02:17:18 AM »
Made me smile
The picture wasn't showing up. Seems to have fixed itself.

Still, meh.
This brain could do with some more dimethyltryptamine.

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? "I don't know and I don't care."

Offline Calandale

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2162 on: February 06, 2008, 08:47:38 AM »

ozymandias

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2163 on: February 06, 2008, 11:12:27 AM »
Sent: Sunday, February 03, 2008 4:40 AM
Subject: You know you're a nurse.....


You know you're a nurse if...

Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.

Almost everything can seem humorous...eventually.

You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.

You wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom.

Discussing bodily fluids over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.

You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even
in the nicest  restaurants.

You notice that you are using more 4 letter words than you ever knew
before you started nursing.

Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you

You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle; to
convince the doctor is more difficult."

Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they
will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on yo ur day off.

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.

You have seen more penises than any prostitute.  (or vaginas then a gigolo)

If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who is,
it's just to help you  understand our mind set and questionable mental
status/sanity. Most of the time we function in spite of this sick
sense of humor, fairly normally and very responsibly.

Scary, huh??????

Offline Calandale

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2164 on: February 06, 2008, 10:54:41 PM »
Just had someone on another forum tell
me (due to my pics) that I'm so manly
it hurts.  :zoinks:

ozymandias

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2165 on: February 07, 2008, 07:20:15 AM »
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU ARE EVEN REMOTELY FAMILIAR WITH HOLY SCRIPTURE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A ROMAN CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TES TAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITT EN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.


1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.


4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5 . SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WH O LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, TH E EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTER WARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA .. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE..

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.


24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACR IMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE . THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY






Offline DirtDawg

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2166 on: February 07, 2008, 01:15:49 PM »

:LMAO:

 :plus:


... unsympathetic...

Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline Callaway

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2167 on: February 07, 2008, 03:06:04 PM »


How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take In A Fight?


I got twenty six.

:D

Quote
You could take on 12 five year old kids in a fight.

 :laugh:

Offline Calandale

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2168 on: February 08, 2008, 06:19:13 AM »

GalileoAce

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2169 on: February 08, 2008, 07:32:00 AM »

Offline vodz

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2170 on: February 08, 2008, 06:35:40 PM »


I'd be very wary of where he points that thing!
This brain could do with some more dimethyltryptamine.

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? "I don't know and I don't care."

zaftig

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2171 on: February 09, 2008, 02:00:28 PM »

Offline Dexter Morgan

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2172 on: February 09, 2008, 08:25:43 PM »


Offline Calandale

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #2174 on: February 10, 2008, 08:44:33 PM »
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=513315&in_page_id=1770

I'm in favor. Sure, it's annoying,
but it's both discrimination and
a danger to rely on low wage
slaves to make these decisions.

So long as jobs aren't going to pay
well, the companies have to protect
themselves from the shit they hire.