Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning
submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.
3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief
that, when you die, your Soul flies up on the roof and gets stuck
there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn
by Jewish men.
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