make someone laugh

[McGiver]

DD+

+1 DD.  its been a few days, and i generally + you daily.  because you deserve it.

[ozymandias]

Here's a few phrases for taking "a dump" for all you fecalphiles:

I gotta.....

coil one
crank a rad
download the database
drop a load
drop a log
drop the kids off at the pool
grind a steamer
grow a tail
lay some cable
lay some pipe
make a stinky
pinch a loaf
push one through the hoops
release the hostage
steam one
unleash the kraken
attend a presidential news conference
pass an act of congress
cast my ballot

[DirtDawg]

... but you forgot my personal favorite.

"Blow some mud"
 

[ozymandias]

Oh I'm sure there's plenty more out there!

In college we used to say:  "Flush twice for <insert name of dining hall here>.

[Nomaken]

For reference:



And here's the pope:

[DirtDawg]

Oh, wow! That was a great work out. I'm going to treat myself. One cookie, YES!

[DirtDawg]

An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Old Lady: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see ... Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?

Old Lady: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Old Lady: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.

Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.

A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Old Lady: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Old Lady: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
__________________

[DirtDawg]

Click the GW pic and pause a moment for a Macromedia Flashplayer page to load. He bounces around on the balls like falling dead meat and if he gets stuck, you can move him with your mouse. Or you can do what I do and just grab him with the mouse and slam him into stuff and spin him around. Pretty funny.

[DirtDawg]

An elderly Ukrainian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Ukrainian perogies, with fried onions wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
 
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame. Gazing into the kitchen, where, if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table was literally hundreds of his favourite perogies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his Ukrainian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the perogies was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered man trembled on his way to the perogies at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.


"Fuck off!" she said. "They're for the funeral."

[DirtDawg]

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now"

"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird crap."

"No, but it was my first day with the hook."

[odeon]

A guy enters ER with both ears severely burned.
"So," says the Doctor examining him. "What happened?"
"I was ironing my shirt," the man explains, "and the phone rang, and well, I had to take the call..."
"Oh." The doctor thinks for a moment. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"Well, see, I had to call the ambulance..."

[El]

So, the guy confused the iron with the phone?  I'm not sure I get that one.

[odeon]

Twice. Think of the action of lifting that phone and putting it onto your ear...

[McGiver]

i thought he had a call waiting!

[odeon]

'kay. I get it. My jokes suck.