make someone laugh

[DirtDawg]

What comes in litres?

Elephants

[Calandale]

Like I can read all that drunk?

[DirtDawg]

You should know I'm a tease anyhow.

Some of the best screams have been coaxed from teasers.

[Calandale]

You should know I'm a tease anyhow.

Some of the best screams have been coaxed from teasers.

Screams? Nah. Just tears.

[DirtDawg]

Like I can read all that drunk?

Who knew you were all that drunk?

[Calandale]

Like I can read all that drunk?

Who knew you were all that drunk?

Fuck. I'm still drunk. How can I answer that?

I can barely type.

[DirtDawg]

You should know I'm a tease anyhow.

Some of the best screams have been coaxed from teasers.

Screams? Nah. Just tears.

I get it. You have not had your teasing pursued beyond tears. You have some more teasing to do.

[Calandale]

You should know I'm a tease anyhow.

Some of the best screams have been coaxed from teasers.

Screams? Nah. Just tears.

I get it. You have not had your teasing pursued beyond tears. You have some more teasing to do.

Apparently.

[GalileoAce]

It's a Big Ad

[zer0]

"Make someone laugh", huh?

A man walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He walks up to the bar, sits down on a stool and waves the bartender over.

"Bartender", says the man, "I bet you a hundred dollars this octopus can play any instrument there is in the entire bar!"

The bartender, clearly convinced the guy is a nutcase, points over at the piano and says: "Sounds fine to me. See that piano over there? You can start with that."

So the guy walks over to the piano and plops the octopus down on the stool in front of it. The octopus lifts the lid of the piano and then tinkles out the melody to the song "Stardust" perfectly from start to finish. He even finishes it with a little flourish before closing the lid up and taking a little bow.

"Well I'll be a sonofabitch", says the bartender. "But wait! I got another instrument in here." He plucks down an acoustic guitar from the wall and hands it to the octopus. "Let's see if he can play that!", the bartender says.

The octopus picks up the guitar, tunes it up a little bit and then plays the melody to "Man of Constant Sorrow" from start to finish without any errors while tapping his arms to the beat. He then hands the guitar back to the bartender and takes a bow.

"Well I'll be goddamned", says the bartender. "But wait, I got another instrument somewhere in here." He walks into the back room and comes out with a clarinette. "Let's see him play that", he says to the guy.

The octopus picks up the clarinet, tightens the reed and plays out a sonata by Schumann on it perfectly from start to finish. He then hands it back to the bartender who just stands there gaping.

"Now can I have my money?", says the man.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute", says the bartender, "I think I have one more instrument back there." He walks into the back room again and rummages around for a good minute or so. Finally, he emerges with a bagpipes. "Let's see him play that!", he says and hands it to the octopus.

The octopus looks the bagpipes over. He reaches out and lifts one pipe, then lets it drop. He reaches out, lifts another pipe, lets it drop. Same thing with a third pipe and a fourth one. Finally, he just backs up and squints at the bagpipes. The guy gets nervous and comes over to see what's wrong.

"What's the matter", he asks, "Can't you play it?"

"Play it?!", the octopus asks, "Man, once I figure out how to get her clothes off I'm gonna fuck her!"

Here's a shorter story on the same theme:

A rabbi, a Buddhist monk and a Catholic priest walk into a bar and the bartender says "What is this, some kinda joke?"

[renaeden]

[El]

"Make someone laugh", huh?

A man walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He walks up to the bar, sits down on a stool and waves the bartender over.

"Bartender", says the man, "I bet you a hundred dollars this octopus can play any instrument there is in the entire bar!"

The bartender, clearly convinced the guy is a nutcase, points over at the piano and says: "Sounds fine to me. See that piano over there? You can start with that."

So the guy walks over to the piano and plops the octopus down on the stool in front of it. The octopus lifts the lid of the piano and then tinkles out the melody to the song "Stardust" perfectly from start to finish. He even finishes it with a little flourish before closing the lid up and taking a little bow.

"Well I'll be a sonofabitch", says the bartender. "But wait! I got another instrument in here." He plucks down an acoustic guitar from the wall and hands it to the octopus. "Let's see if he can play that!", the bartender says.

The octopus picks up the guitar, tunes it up a little bit and then plays the melody to "Man of Constant Sorrow" from start to finish without any errors while tapping his arms to the beat. He then hands the guitar back to the bartender and takes a bow.

"Well I'll be goddamned", says the bartender. "But wait, I got another instrument somewhere in here." He walks into the back room and comes out with a clarinette. "Let's see him play that", he says to the guy.

The octopus picks up the clarinet, tightens the reed and plays out a sonata by Schumann on it perfectly from start to finish. He then hands it back to the bartender who just stands there gaping.

"Now can I have my money?", says the man.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute", says the bartender, "I think I have one more instrument back there." He walks into the back room again and rummages around for a good minute or so. Finally, he emerges with a bagpipes. "Let's see him play that!", he says and hands it to the octopus.

The octopus looks the bagpipes over. He reaches out and lifts one pipe, then lets it drop. He reaches out, lifts another pipe, lets it drop. Same thing with a third pipe and a fourth one. Finally, he just backs up and squints at the bagpipes. The guy gets nervous and comes over to see what's wrong.

"What's the matter", he asks, "Can't you play it?"

"Play it?!", the octopus asks, "Man, once I figure out how to get her clothes off I'm gonna fuck her!"

Here's a shorter story on the same theme:

A rabbi, a Buddhist monk and a Catholic priest walk into a bar and the bartender says "What is this, some kinda joke?"

I anticipated that punchline.  I heard some version before, I think.

[El]

I have a hunch some people might laugh at this but not admit it...

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms.
"How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head.
BONG!
"That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"
"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"
Quasimodo came out and said...

"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

The day after the guy with no arms fell to his death, another fellow shows up and said that he was the brother of the man with no arms and he wanted to audition for the bell ringers job. Quasimodo takes him to the bell tower, the guy picks up the wooden mallet and starts to ring the bells. He took a huge swing, missed the bell and fell over the balcony to his death. Quasimodo runs outside and the policeman asks him who the fellow was. Quasimodo says,

"I never got his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother!"

[purposefulinsanity]

  in a groan-worthy way.  (sorry you'll have to get someone to ghey you I've been wanting to plus you for days).

[duncvis]

BOOOOO