Insult the Person Above You without Using Profanity

[The Member Formerly Known As Sophist]

Okay, just thought this would be fun. Since this is a no-holds-barred, non-Marquess-of-Queensberry-Rules sort of brouhaha, I figured while we're throwing loving insults at one another we may as well work on technique. After all, haven't we all felt the rosy red cheeks of shame when somebody completely flabbergasts us with a brilliant insult and all we can think to say in return is something to the effect of, "Oh yeah? Well... fuck you too!" 

So why not? Insult the person above you, using no profanity, preferably no personal low-digs (we want to practice technique, not create enemies-- I mean, unless you REALLY want to, in which case nobody can stop you), and be as creative as possible.

The aim of each of your posts should win you at least one of these: 

And if you do end up using profanity or making any really low digs, ideally you should get one of these instead: 

So make it good, and come out fighting!

[The_Chosen_One]

If I was the doctor that performed the act of birthing you, I would have slapped your mother severly and said 'if I catch you doing that again I will commit you to the nearest asylum for the clinically insane'.

[bob]

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed, eh Chosen One?

[The_Chosen_One]

What do you call a life-buoy? Bob.

[Callaway]

^ has MENSA envy.

[The_Chosen_One]

^ wishes they were The Chosen One, but as the position is taken, will just have to settle for.... wait for it... loser/

[Al Swearegen]

May the fleas of a thousand camels feast upon your backside. 

[The_Chosen_One]

Your shout, grumpy; so get to the bar or else.

[enronh]

^ may all your itches be unreachable 

[The Member Formerly Known As Sophist]

May all your unreachable itches then be feasted upon by the fleas of a thousand camels. And may the bones of all your camels in India be made into cursed chess pieces, with which the owner (being you) may never win a single game. (If you happen to play chess that is. If not, then may you just be really really itchy.  )

[Silk]

You watch The Simple Life. Feel the burn!

[The_Chosen_One]

You once auditioned for American Idol. Funny thing was, you were accepted as American Idiot.

[Silk]

Donald Duck plays the piano better than you do.

[The_Chosen_One]

May the X button on your PS2 fail just as you are about to make that critical jump and your game locks.

[Silk]

May the X button on your PS2 fail just as you are about to make that critical jump and your game locks.

That is just plain mean.