What did you want to accomplish?
Some ridiculous shit that was probably impossible. I did this as a motivator, but it was during my peak of drug abuse when I made this pact/promise. I had it written down and it was found along with a lot of my artwork (which was mostly destroyed). I actually did accomplish a few of the things (music wise), but I didn't do most of the career related stuff. I had some fucked up ideas of what I wanted from life at the time. I wanted those things for all the wrong reasons. I wanted the regular stuff like a career, friends, money, a wife, etc. There were also some really insane goals as well, that thankfully I did not attempt to accomplish (mostly involving crime). At least I didn't quite get to that level of drug abuse again.
My parents just know that I see myself as a failure at age 30, so they are afraid that I am thinking about suicide again. I do not have it in me to complete the suicide plan that I made 10 or so years ago, as it would really hurt my family if I did. That is where they guilt trip is coming from, they won't let me stop hearing how bad it would be if I did kill myself. I haven't talked to them about suicide in maybe 8 years. No clue why they started to bring it up again, but it is really not something I wanted to think about. They just noticed how depressed I am lately, but I wasn't actually thinking about that pact/promise until they mentioned it to me. The constant religious barrage is making me crazy, as they try to pray over me and read scripture to me about all this shit that really does nothing but frustrate me. I don't have time for this shit, I have to get going in the morning and go to class and/or work. They want to talk about stuff that only either pisses me off or makes me depressed, then waste my time trying to get me to read scripture that they feel is connected to my problems. All I know is that I don't have the time or energy for their bullshit.
ponds from now on.
