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Offline Peter

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Worst games ever
« on: April 07, 2008, 07:22:39 PM »
Custer's Revenge:  Created for the Atari in 1982, it features a naked general Custer who must cross a patch of desert while dodging arrows in order to rape a native American woman who's tied to a post.  No, seriously; that really is what this game is all about.

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14:10 - Moarskrillex42: She said something about knowing why I wanted to move to Glasgow when she came in. She plopped down on my bed and told me to go ahead and open it for her.

14:11 - Peter5930: So, she thought I was your lover and that I was sending you a box full of sex toys, and that you wanted to move to Glasgow to be with me?

Offline Calandale

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2008, 07:23:23 PM »
Custer's Revenge:  Created for the Atari in 1982, it features a naked general Custer who must cross a patch of desert while dodging arrows in order to rape a native American woman who's tied to a post.  No, seriously; that really is what this game is all about.
:zoinks:

I want this game.

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2008, 07:26:50 PM »
The graphics are shitty.

Almost like Pac Man.

I like the online sex version of the Sims  8)

Offline Calandale

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2008, 07:28:29 PM »
The graphics are shitty.

Who cares? The idea is brilliant.
Quote
Almost like Pac Man.

I like the online sex version of the Sims  8)

There are some really interesting games out there.
I haven't tried that one, but I'd suspect it's not too
extreme.

Offline Peter

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2008, 07:28:38 PM »
Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing:

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The box of Big Rigs states that the player may "race trucks across the country, with cops chasing [them]." GameSpot considered this description of the game to be nothing more than "horrible, horrible lies"[1], since there are no police in the game. Additionally, they pointed out, the computer-controlled opponent vehicles have no AI and never move from the starting position, making even the description of the gameplay as a "race" questionable.

There are technically no obstacles for the player to negotiate in Big Rigs, as the truck may freely be driven on and off roads without any loss of traction, straight up 90° mountains (with no loss of speed), through structures, simply falling right through bridges (there is no collision detection whatsoever), and even out of the boundaries of the map into an endless grey void. No matter what the player does, it is impossible to lose the race. When the player's truck is put into reverse, the truck will accelerate infinitely; however, the truck will halt instantly when the reverse key is released.

Upon completion of the race, the player is presented with a large, three-handled, on-screen trophy cup overlaid with the text "YOU'RE WINNER !"[sic] Due to a developer oversight, the game occasionally fails to distinguish between whether the player is starting or finishing the race when they pass through the starting checkpoint, and so this screen may appear to end the race before it even begins. In addition, one of the game's five maps causes the game to crash altogether when accessed.[1]

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Big Rigs received universally negative reviews with the critics considering it to be one of the worst video games, if not the worst, ever.

Thunderbolt Games stated, "I wish I could think of some redeeming factors for the game, but there simply aren't any" and gave the game a score of 1/10.[3] It was also featured on the X-Play "Games You Should Never Buy" segment. Morgan Webb, one of the hosts, described Big Rigs as "the worst game ever made," and refused to even rate it as their 1/5 rating system did not feature a zero score.[4] Netjak gave the game its first ever 0.0.[5]

Alex Navarro of GameSpot declared that Big Rigs is "as bad as your mind will allow you to comprehend."[1] Also it said in his review "Please do not play this game. We cannot stress this enough." In the special "frightfully bad games" video, Navarro stated, "This game received the lowest score in the history of GameSpot, a 1.0. And by lowest, I mean it can't go any lower. We don't hand out zeros, but maybe we should have for Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing."

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14:10 - Moarskrillex42: She said something about knowing why I wanted to move to Glasgow when she came in. She plopped down on my bed and told me to go ahead and open it for her.

14:11 - Peter5930: So, she thought I was your lover and that I was sending you a box full of sex toys, and that you wanted to move to Glasgow to be with me?

Offline Peter

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2008, 07:32:03 PM »
#1: ET, The Extra Terrestrial (2600)

This game was so bad it actually destroyed the life of the Atari 2600. The Atari 2600 had a game where General Custer raped Indians tied to cactuses, and THAT couldn't kill the system. Here's how E.T. did it: most of the gameplay was E.T. trying to escape from scientists and jumping into pits to find parts of his telephone. Once you were in a pit, that's when the fun began. If there was no chunk of telephone in the pit, which was only the case in 97% of them, you could leave by stretching out ET's neck until he slowly, SLOWLY floated up. This was the most satisfying part of the game since it looked like an invisible monster was trying to tear his head off.

When you make it to the top of the pit, which if you started in 1983 should be about... NOW, you have a fraction of a second window to immediately stop making ET's head stretch. This is important. If you miss it, he'll fall right back in and you have to start the floating process all over. Don't worry, practice and timing can make you a master of exiting a pit, and then you'll only fall back into the same one seven or eight times. Of course, that just means seven or eight more times the FUN!

Graphics: 0/10
ET has never looked worse. Which is a pretty amazing accomplishment since he started out looking like a slimy little space turtle's penis.

Fun: 0/10
This is an actual true story: Atari manufactured five million E.T. cartridges, and according to Atari's CEO, "nearly all of them came back." It got to a point where the world's children refused to take them for free. To put that into perspective, I've seen kids buy dead spiders from each other for a nickle. Calling this game a piece of trash is actually scientifically accurate because Atari eventually took their massive collection of useless E.T. cartridges and buried it in a New Mexico landfill. So if you ever lose your mind and want a copy of E.T., or maybe five million, grab a shovel and drive out to the desert. They're free.

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Quote
14:10 - Moarskrillex42: She said something about knowing why I wanted to move to Glasgow when she came in. She plopped down on my bed and told me to go ahead and open it for her.

14:11 - Peter5930: So, she thought I was your lover and that I was sending you a box full of sex toys, and that you wanted to move to Glasgow to be with me?

Offline Parts

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2008, 08:01:12 PM »
I remember when those were considered good graphics fuck that makes me feel old
"Eat it up.  Wear it out.  Make it do or do without." 

'People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.'
George Bernard Shaw

Offline Calandale

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2008, 08:07:03 PM »
I don't. I DO remember the early Amiga games, which
blew those away in terms of graphics. Even the mac,
a couple years before. And I remember the apple games
from that period, some of which weren't bad looking.

Think the Bilestoad ('82)




Offline Parts

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #8 on: April 07, 2008, 08:08:26 PM »
I was a poor boy with no computer so just about anything looked good to me
"Eat it up.  Wear it out.  Make it do or do without." 

'People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.'
George Bernard Shaw

Offline Calandale

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #9 on: April 07, 2008, 08:12:10 PM »
I had one, but the graphics were all ascii (well not all, but close enough).
An old TRS-80 level I model I.

4k memory, with a tape drive.
Thing cost a  fortune (I think about
1000). A friend of my folks convinced
them it would help me. I didn't use it
too much - certainly not worth the price of a
used car.

Still works though.  :zoinks:

Offline Gluey

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #10 on: April 07, 2008, 10:38:40 PM »
Heres my video on Custer's Revenge




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Offline Alex179

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #11 on: April 07, 2008, 10:43:46 PM »
I remember back when Seanbaby didn't work for EGM or whatever game mag he works for now.    That was back when he would update his site with new content lol.   His reviews of Zelda, NES Pro Wrestling and Metal Gear are classic as well.   He caught some of the best Engrish in Nintendo history with his articles (badly translated Japanese to English).
:P   Internets are super serious.

Offline Gluey

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #12 on: April 07, 2008, 10:44:51 PM »
Custer's Revenge:  Created for the Atari in 1982, it features a naked general Custer who must cross a patch of desert while dodging arrows in order to rape a native American woman who's tied to a post.  No, seriously; that really is what this game is all about.
:zoinks:

I want this game.

You can download Atari 2600 emulator here:

http://sourceforge.net/project/downloading.php?groupname=stella&filename=stella-2.5-win32.exe&use_mirror=internap

and Custers Revenge Here:

http://www.romnation.net/srv/roms/9394/atari2600/Custers-Revenge-1982-Mystique.html

I made sure the downloads worked cause most of them take you into forced voting and shit like that but these don't.

Anyways have fun. It should amuse you for like...5 minutes  :zoinks:
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Offline Gluey

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #13 on: April 07, 2008, 10:52:06 PM »
I rented this because I didn't wanna buy it in case if I didn't like it and you know what?
I hate this piece of shit with a passion.  Sonic was so cool on the Genesis and he was rad on the Dreamcast
but on seven generation consoles? an atom bomb of shit.
It's the cheapest PS3 game you can get. I am gonna buy it though just so I can own a piece of shitty history.
(and when my freinds younger brothers come)
At Wall Mart it was $18.97.



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Offline Taimaat

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Re: Worst games ever
« Reply #14 on: April 09, 2008, 03:35:50 PM »
diablo 1 is bad because it kills you cd drive.
The law of nature threefold
thou do unto others three times
what they have done unto thee.
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Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law.
Love is the Law, Love Under Will.