I think that slipping a date rape drug into a woman's drink is more about power and control than about the sex, too.
Do you mean pushing the woman down to rape her is not about power and control?
I can't be certain, because I KNOW I would never
do anything like that, for sex. But, I rather suspect
that extreme desire can move those with little self-
control. I've done some things that are pretty damned
foul, without any feelings of power, for sex alone. I suspect
that some feel that a woman might be willing, but unwilling
to say so.
I was raped on a date, under circumstances that Cal describes above. The guy had poor self-control and I wasn't able to read the signs, plus we'd both been drinking. Afterwards his roommate came in and tried to rape me too, but I had a meltdown and they thought I was having a seizure. They both panicked, and the other guy ran. My "date" was very apologetic and terrified that I was going to call the cops. I didn't report him because I was scared to death of him by that point, and I also blamed myself for what happened. My brains were already pretty scrambled from the AS and from other things in my life, so I just added it to the list of my own "mistakes."
I've only recently started to remember and deal with this experience. It's been unpleasant to ponder, but I guess it's doing me some good to finally face it.
At the time it happened, I wasn't thinking of revenge. I was just wanting it to never have happened at all, so I denied it. If I had to assign a punishment to that guy for what happened, I have no idea what it'd be.
I realize that every rape is "different," but I do agree with Cal that sometimes it's a lack of sexual self-control that's involved, more than a pre-meditated act of power and control over the woman.