My NPD

[Calandale]

Well, at the risk of giving more ammunition to
those who like personal attacks, my father always
seemed very violent. I felt completely impotent
against his power, and a lot of rage built up. Probably
where my actual rebellion came from. The reality is
that he wasn't that violent, but I became so.

[Tristeza]

I know what you mean about the rage.  After I got diagnosed with AS and my father learned more about it, he apologized to me and said he knew that he'd influenced me in some negative ways.  I really admire him for owning up to that, especially considering how he was abused himself as a kid (he never told me this - my grandmother told me). 

Cal, do you think all that rage makes you carry around more guilt than the average person, and that burden makes you react to people in a certain way?  I know I do.  Certain things people do or say set me off, like if I think they're feeling sorry for themselves or for someone else whom I don't feel deserves it.  I get furious sometimes, even though I know full well that those people's problems and life situations look much worse than mine.  It makes me want to lash out at them, because all I can think is that yeah, they've got bad problems, but they don't have THIS.  It seems to me that it'd be easier to live with stuff that's been done to you, rather than live with stuff you've done to others. 

Paraphrasing Colette:  People generally believe that it is easy to be a "monster."  It is even harder than being a saint.

As to giving people ammunition for a personal attack, I don't worry about it much.  I've found that I prefer being attacked with the truth than with lies.

[Soph]

i get pissed off a lot sometimes when people are complaining about their lives or feeling shit about something, when i think they don't have it that bad. but then i feel really bad about that afterwards

[Tristeza]

Yeah, I always feel guilty afterwards, too.  And that just makes me more frustrated the next time around.  My mom is the same way.  I think in our case it's because neither of us can vent to people about our own stuff because we feel too guilty about it and we're afraid of being judged, so we get really pissed at people who can.

[Soph]

I'm like that IRL
I think that's why I vent so much online; I don't tell people anything IRL
Also becuase I always see people complaining about things I used to complain about before Sophie died. And since then, I've realised none of that was even half as bad as I thought it was at the time. So even though it makes me a hypocrite, I want to punch these people sometimes because it's not that fucking bad

[Calandale]

I know what you mean about the rage.  After I got diagnosed with AS and my father learned more about it, he apologized to me and said he knew that he'd influenced me in some negative ways.  I really admire him for owning up to that, especially considering how he was abused himself as a kid (he never told me this - my grandmother told me). 

Lucky. My father still can't even see what he does.
Hell, I remember him hitting me, at a time when I was
strong enough to probably have a good shot at him, and
I just COULDN'T.

Cal, do you think all that rage makes you carry around more guilt than the average person, and that burden makes you react to people in a certain way?  I know I do.  Certain things people do or say set me off, like if I think they're feeling sorry for themselves or for someone else whom I don't feel deserves it.  I get furious sometimes, even though I know full well that those people's problems and life situations look much worse than mine.  It makes me want to lash out at them, because all I can think is that yeah, they've got bad problems, but they don't have THIS.  It seems to me that it'd be easier to live with stuff that's been done to you, rather than live with stuff you've done to others.

I don't know. I don't really feel too guilty about things that
most would see as the worst. For example, in the first rape
of my PE, the only issue I feel guilty about was forcing her
away from me, after. Rather than consoling her. I was so
disgusted with myself, that I ignored what she was feeling.
And, that was the real betrayal to her.

Paraphrasing Colette:  People generally believe that it is easy to be a "monster."  It is even harder than being a saint.

Never tried sainthood. I don't think I'm suited for it.

As to giving people ammunition for a personal attack, I don't worry about it much.  I've found that I prefer being attacked with the truth than with lies.

Not really certain whether they hurt, either way.
Really, 'twas just an opportunity to cast one of
my barbs.

i get pissed off a lot sometimes when people are complaining about their lives or feeling shit about something, when i think they don't have it that bad. but then i feel really bad about that afterwards

I don't really. I just get bored usually. And upset that
they're not doing much. I KNOW that I don't have
it bad. Never really have.

[Kosmonaut]

Probably best not to apply inference of belief systems to delusion. ( Do you see why? )

No. My delusions may well stem from my shaky beliefs. Or the
other way. I can't really tell, since I don't know what is the cause.
But, surely my sensory input is somehow responsible for forming me?

If that is the case, then they are probably not examples of mania, psychosis or schizoid spectrum disorder.
ie. not delusions in the medical sense.
Maybe existential angst.
If your delusions are preventing you from functioning, I would recommend seeing a doctor.

eg. If your television is giving you 'special' messages, then you may be the best logician in the world, but it's not going to stop the telly from giving you messages even if your belief system is that televisions are not talking to you personally.

But, this isn't a delusion of grandeur. If I believe that I am the one, doesn't that
make me 'special'?
am not (from an objective point of view)
the center

It's a textbook example of delusion of grandeur.

[Calandale]

Hmm...I figured that psychotic delusions were
indeed delusions. Damned psychiatrists shouldn't
use the same word, if they don't mean it.

And yes, they are of that nature.

[richard]

i like you alot also. i just think an argument doesnt need to arise over obvious things. maybe my minds too simple though

[Kosmonaut]

Hmm...I figured that psychotic delusions were
indeed delusions. Damned psychiatrists shouldn't
use the same word, if they don't mean it.

And yes, they are of that nature.

Ask for a refund.

[Calandale]

i like you alot also. i just think an argument doesnt need to arise over obvious things. maybe my minds too simple though

What is obvious? I've not seen anything
that I've argued about which was clearly
so. Even the vote FOR totalitarianism
of the fiat poll, or dunc's killing of the
WC don't strike me as issues where
I was clearly in the right. And I certainly
wouldn't argue from a position which I
knew was wrong.

[Calandale]

Ask for a refund.

For what?

[richard]

i like you alot also. i just think an argument doesnt need to arise over obvious things. maybe my minds too simple though

What is obvious?

mans existance in the universe. lets talk about it

[Calandale]

i like you alot also. i just think an argument doesnt need to arise over obvious things. maybe my minds too simple though

What is obvious?

mans existance in the universe. lets talk about it

I'm convinced of neither of the presupposed conditions.
Man and universe.

[McGiver]

i love, respect and understand me.  now you are not alone.