One of my elementary school friends sent me a message

[Soph]

i found sophie though.
although she spoke to me first. 

[SovaNu]

people find each other in mysterious ways.

[Calandale]

All that I know is that around your age,
I found people a lot easier to meet and
like, than I have at any other time in my
life. College helps. Though, living at home
probably hurts that. Shaking things up
(along with being miserable) seems good.

[Soph]

All that I know is that around your age,
I found people a lot easier to meet and
like, than I have at any other time in my
life. College helps. Though, living at home
probably hurts that. Shaking things up
(along with being miserable) seems good.

yes, i love being miserable
it's harder for me to meet people now because no one's interested in talking to me lol. there are no more starbulines i miss her

[Calandale]

I know. Everything seems like a "last chance"
to me, these days. But, at your age, it shouldn't
be that way.

And, loving misery is NOT what I meant. I meant
that when my situation is miserable enough that I
CAN'T just stay at home and rot, I get out and do
things. End up making friends, sometimes.

[Soph]

the only place i really go is the museum. and it's just groups of schoolkids and families bringing their children. i saw some emos in there the other day though lol
i wish i could go back to not giving a shit. then i could be happy with having axolotls and frogs as my friends.

[Calandale]

Happy's a strong word. Really, you
just didn't know any better. Now,
you've had a taste of love. You'll
find more.

[Soph]

i doubt it. i want starbuline to come back. i'm shit without her.
she would be sad if i found another friend i loved as much as her.

[Calandale]

She cares about you. She wouldn't
be sad.

[Soph]

i think she would pretend she wasn't so that i would still find another friend, but she would still be sad. she said she didn't want to be 'abandoned.' if she got sad just from people talking to me at uni, im scared she'd be sad about me finding another friend. i don't want her to be sad.

[Calandale]

I think that there's an inherent difference.
And yes, she WAS jealous, but crossing into
death makes things different.

[Soph]

i want to give her a hug
and some lucozade

[Calandale]

Do so. Even if it's just for you.

[Soph]

i think i am crazy though. i talk to her sometimes when shes not even here. but then i talk to myself all the time so that's nothing new. and she hasnt read any of my PMs. i wish she had come online before she did it. i guess she thought i'd call her dad or something though and fuck it up for her. i never got to say goodbye to her though. she never said anything before she did it. i know she thought about me at least once when she did it because of the note she left but she never came and spoke to me.

i ordered some DVDs off amazon the other day and i got the one she told her mom she was watching on the 24th, so that her mom didnt get there till 5:30 (she wasnt meant to pick her up at 3), i'm going to watch it when i get it. i guess she never actually watched it though. and i bought the book she was reading. i havent got it yet though. she kept telling me how much the character in it was like me. i think im half hoping i will get some answers from reading it, but i doubt i will. she did keep saying it though during the last few weeks.

[Calandale]

i think i am crazy though.

Of course you are. Don't worry about it.

i talk to her sometimes when shes not even here. but then i talk to myself all the time so that's nothing new. and she hasnt read any of my PMs.

Trying to reach out to her is right though.

i wish she had come online before she did it.

Hell yes. I can't believe she didn't give a try.
I feel betrayed that she didn't. But, glad in a
sense, because I wouldn't have done a damned
thing to stop her. Well, no more than I was doing,
which wouldn't have been enough, I guess. Though
maybe, just maybe, I would have been willing to go
visit, if I thought that would help.