Post what you're thinking right now.

[Phlexor]

Fuck you, mom, $5 in an easter card doesn't undo 23 years of being a cunt to me, culminating in sending me a dear john letter in which you told me you were cutting me out in order to focus on your relationship with the 13-stepper you left your husband for.

On the plus side, I can now feel like my mother will have paid for the card and photocopy of said letter I'm going to send her for mother's day/her un-invatation to my grad school graduation ceremony, in addition to having well earned it.

$5 in a card... 

My grandmother sends me cards like that on holidays and it's a sweet and welcome gesture- the cards alone are too, but she still has that "grandmotherly" compulsion to treate me to an ice cream or soemthing like that, even long-distance.  It's doing something cute and friendly in the face of bad blood that I don't appreciate.

To be essentially told to 'fuck off' while she concentrates on her boyfriend is just a fucked concept to me. I'm really sorry that she made that choice. I always think a Mother should be the last person standing on earth to love and defend you.

But, even though she is your Mum, doesn't sound like you need that kind of role model in your life at the moment anyway.

It's a real pity that no one thinks the same of fathers.

[Eclair]

Fuck you, mom, $5 in an easter card doesn't undo 23 years of being a cunt to me, culminating in sending me a dear john letter in which you told me you were cutting me out in order to focus on your relationship with the 13-stepper you left your husband for.

On the plus side, I can now feel like my mother will have paid for the card and photocopy of said letter I'm going to send her for mother's day/her un-invatation to my grad school graduation ceremony, in addition to having well earned it.

$5 in a card... 

My grandmother sends me cards like that on holidays and it's a sweet and welcome gesture- the cards alone are too, but she still has that "grandmotherly" compulsion to treate me to an ice cream or soemthing like that, even long-distance.  It's doing something cute and friendly in the face of bad blood that I don't appreciate.

To be essentially told to 'fuck off' while she concentrates on her boyfriend is just a fucked concept to me. I'm really sorry that she made that choice. I always think a Mother should be the last person standing on earth to love and defend you.

But, even though she is your Mum, doesn't sound like you need that kind of role model in your life at the moment anyway.

It's a real pity that no one thinks the same of fathers.

Not sure what you mean? Elle was talking about her Mother. You can have a better Father than a Mother. I do feel though, that a woman's protective instinct should be stronger, purely by nature.....I know in theory this doesn't always happen, it's just my personal belief.

["couldbecousin"]

I'm thinking I don't particularly need to be eating all this pasta at 11:35 at night...

[Phlexor]

Fuck you, mom, $5 in an easter card doesn't undo 23 years of being a cunt to me, culminating in sending me a dear john letter in which you told me you were cutting me out in order to focus on your relationship with the 13-stepper you left your husband for.

On the plus side, I can now feel like my mother will have paid for the card and photocopy of said letter I'm going to send her for mother's day/her un-invatation to my grad school graduation ceremony, in addition to having well earned it.

$5 in a card...  

My grandmother sends me cards like that on holidays and it's a sweet and welcome gesture- the cards alone are too, but she still has that "grandmotherly" compulsion to treate me to an ice cream or soemthing like that, even long-distance.  It's doing something cute and friendly in the face of bad blood that I don't appreciate.

To be essentially told to 'fuck off' while she concentrates on her boyfriend is just a fucked concept to me. I'm really sorry that she made that choice. I always think a Mother should be the last person standing on earth to love and defend you.

But, even though she is your Mum, doesn't sound like you need that kind of role model in your life at the moment anyway.

It's a real pity that no one thinks the same of fathers.

Not sure what you mean? Elle was talking about her Mother. You can have a better Father than a Mother. I do feel though, that a woman's protective instinct should be stronger, purely by nature.....I know in theory this doesn't always happen, it's just my personal belief.

I bolded what I was referring to. Sorry for the confusion.

[SleepyDragon]

Is that original?

From a Sarah Kane play, I'm thinking.

[Eclair]

It's a real pity that no one thinks the same of fathers.

Not sure what you mean? Elle was talking about her Mother. You can have a better Father than a Mother. I do feel though, that a woman's protective instinct should be stronger, purely by nature.....I know in theory this doesn't always happen, it's just my personal belief.

I bolded what I was referring to. Sorry for the confusion.

Sorry, I didn't see that 

[El]

She wrote me that letter at the end of last summer.  It was extremely fucked up.  Arguably equally fucked up is how much stabler and happier I've been since she "broke up with" me.

She's always picked her men over me.  She's always picked herself over everything.  I've realized more and more the last several years what a terrible mother she was.  She's a role model in that she acts as a living example of 'what not to do."

I assume at some point the rage I still feel toward her will go away.  It's been ebbing a great deal since we amost entirely stopped speaking to one another.  I figure it's understandable that I be bitter quite awhile though.  I really did think she was the only person I could always love and trust.  I was fucking deluding myself because the truth was too painful. 

I don't know you, but you come across as someone who has a 'spare tank' of resilience when you need to. Try not to forget that.

A parent letting your expectation of them down is a hard thing to come to terms with.

In my 20's I was angry with my parents for a lot of things. Everyone else seemed to have 'normal' families.

In the end, you will make a life for yourself and be stronger for it as long as you don't let it affect your idea of your self worth. Use whatever you can from it as a lesson of 'what not to do' in your life and try to look at the positive traits it's given you.

TY.  I think I'm pretty resilient; I'm not worried about being all damaged or antying like that- just sad and angry at my mother and about the shit she's done.  In my social group I have by far neither had the worst nor the best childhood.  I think one of the biggest positives it gave me is the ability as a counselor to have an inkling of where my clients are coming from.  If I'd lived in a bubble I'd be shocked and thrown by folks at my job and/or be totally ineffective, I think.

[Osensitive1]

You're a counselor? That's interesting. What kind?

Edit: Not usually the nosy type to ask personal questions, so won't be offended if you don't feel the need to say.

[El]

You're a counselor? That's interesting. What kind?

What do you mean, "what kind?"

[Osensitive1]

Sorry, type might have been a better word. Marriage, family, mental health, child, ect...

["couldbecousin"]

To be essentially told to 'fuck off' while she concentrates on her boyfriend is just a fucked concept to me. I'm really sorry that she made that choice. I always think a Mother should be the last person standing on earth to love and defend you.

But, even though she is your Mum, doesn't sound like you need that kind of role model in your life at the moment anyway.

She wrote me that letter at the end of last summer.  It was extremely fucked up.  Arguably equally fucked up is how much stabler and happier I've been since she "broke up with" me.

She's always picked her men over me.  She's always picked herself over everything.  I've realized more and more the last several years what a terrible mother she was.  She's a role model in that she acts as a living example of 'what not to do."

I assume at some point the rage I still feel toward her will go away.  It's been ebbing a great deal since we amost entirely stopped speaking to one another.  I figure it's understandable that I be bitter quite awhile though.  I really did think she was the only person I could always love and trust.  I was fucking deluding myself because the truth was too painful. 

Actually that doesn't sound fucked up to me; it makes perfect sense. It sucks that your mother cut you off that way, but now a great source of pain is out of your daily life. I hope you continue to thrive. 

[earthboundmisfit]

I always think a Mother should be the last person standing on earth to love and defend you.

I bolded what I was referring to. Sorry for the confusion.

I love my mom and she's always been there for me, but my dad always had a big red S on his chest in my eyes. Looking back, I think he had a few aspie traits. I think he just understood how my brain worked at a time when no one else did.

[earthboundmisfit]

She wrote me that letter at the end of last summer.  It was extremely fucked up.  Arguably equally fucked up is how much stabler and happier I've been since she "broke up with" me.

She's always picked her men over me.  She's always picked herself over everything.  I've realized more and more the last several years what a terrible mother she was.  She's a role model in that she acts as a living example of 'what not to do."

I assume at some point the rage I still feel toward her will go away.  It's been ebbing a great deal since we amost entirely stopped speaking to one another.  I figure it's understandable that I be bitter quite awhile though.  I really did think she was the only person I could always love and trust.  I was fucking deluding myself because the truth was too painful. 

I'm sorry you have to go through shit like this. Makes me feel very lucky for having a good relationship with my mom and sisters.


I think your experiences will give you an insight in your work that some people won't have.

[El]

Sorry, type might have been a better word. Marriage, family, mental health, child, ect...

Oh, ok.  Mental health; right now I work with adults.  Mainly inidvidual; I may at some point get a client or two coming in for couple's counselling.  I already had one intake scheduled for couple's, but they kept cancelling, so (on my supervisor's advice) they got bumped back to our clinic's wait list (which is considerable).  I work with the "full range," i.e. short-term adjustments in mainly health individuals, right up through long-term mental illness and substance abuse dual diagnoses.

She wrote me that letter at the end of last summer.  It was extremely fucked up.  Arguably equally fucked up is how much stabler and happier I've been since she "broke up with" me.

She's always picked her men over me.  She's always picked herself over everything.  I've realized more and more the last several years what a terrible mother she was.  She's a role model in that she acts as a living example of 'what not to do."

I assume at some point the rage I still feel toward her will go away.  It's been ebbing a great deal since we amost entirely stopped speaking to one another.  I figure it's understandable that I be bitter quite awhile though.  I really did think she was the only person I could always love and trust.  I was fucking deluding myself because the truth was too painful. 

I'm sorry you have to go through shit like this. Makes me feel very lucky for having a good relationship with my mom and sisters.


I think your experiences will give you an insight in your work that some people won't have.

*nod*  I think it does.  I've heard horror stories from friends about counsellors whose mommies have probably always been their best friends, reacting very inappropriately to hearing about complicated family problems- essentially, saying things like "the relationship with the mother is always important, you need to keep it intact" when 1. the information didn't mesh with that statement, and 2. saying that type of thing is judgemental and will probably accomplish nothing other than upsetting the client and damaging rapport.

[Callaway]

She wrote me that letter at the end of last summer.  It was extremely fucked up.  Arguably equally fucked up is how much stabler and happier I've been since she "broke up with" me.

She's always picked her men over me.  She's always picked herself over everything.  I've realized more and more the last several years what a terrible mother she was.  She's a role model in that she acts as a living example of 'what not to do."

I assume at some point the rage I still feel toward her will go away.  It's been ebbing a great deal since we amost entirely stopped speaking to one another.  I figure it's understandable that I be bitter quite awhile though.  I really did think she was the only person I could always love and trust.  I was fucking deluding myself because the truth was too painful. 

I'm sorry you have to go through shit like this. Makes me feel very lucky for having a good relationship with my mom and sisters.


I think your experiences will give you an insight in your work that some people won't have.

*nod*  I think it does.  I've heard horror stories from friends about counsellors whose mommies have probably always been their best friends, reacting very inappropriately to hearing about complicated family problems- essentially, saying things like "the relationship with the mother is always important, you need to keep it intact" when 1. the information didn't mesh with that statement, and 2. saying that type of thing is judgemental and will probably accomplish nothing other than upsetting the client and damaging rapport.

I think you're right about that.  I had a close relationship with my mother until she died and that would probably color my perspective, for example.

I mean, I know intellectually that a mother who pretty much "divorced" her child to work on her relationship with some boyfriend is probably toxic enough to her child that the child is better off having only a minimal relationship with her, however viscerally I have trouble comprehending a mother who would even do something like that.  I would give my life for my child and I know my mother felt the same way about me.