Post what you're thinking right now.

[Alex179]

No, I'm just presenting a factoid of life.  YOU CAN BE YOURSELF.  BUT, when your doing what you need to survive, even thrive, then you learn to use facades, BUT, when you can, you drop the facade and be yourself.

everybody has personae - what you call facades - for different parts of their life: job person, parent person, friend person, etc.  we all behave differently with different people and in different situations.  so it's not so much a matter of being fake as developing a particular persona.  yes, it can feel as though it's fake, but as ozy says (and i agree with all of his post), it's about learning to behave in certain ways, which is exactly what i did.

Ack, I must be completely not saying what I thought I was saying.

I've got no problem with facades, personae, whatever. I have no moral problem with learning to behave in ways that are effective. That's what I've already done.

But what's effective has changed. I'm not having the effect I wanted. I know how I need to change, I think - it's just something I'm scared to do. And I can't find a middle ground between too scared to function smoothly and not changing at all.

This is starting to sound ridiculous even to me. But I don't know how else to explain.

Still doing the huge company job in Orlando?   Is that the big change that is throwing you?    I am pretty sure that you can adjust to Orlando, I found a way to.   Once you get to the city and become acclimated with your workplace you will better know what kind of personae will benefit you socially.   I would not fret about it too much right now.   You will know more once you get there and experience it firsthand.

[El]

Hmm... I wonder if he's stalked me to here, too... that would be hilarious.

[DirtDawg]

Hmm... I wonder if he's stalked me to here, too... that would be hilarious.

Wouldn't it be?


(... at least I'm on board  (peripherally) with your randomness, so far. You will have to try harder.  ... or his harder. dunno)

[Alex179]

Hmm... I wonder if he's stalked me to here, too... that would be hilarious.

Who stalked you to here?

[odeon]

No Llamas?

If you insist.


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[Lucifer]

No, I'm just presenting a factoid of life.  YOU CAN BE YOURSELF.  BUT, when your doing what you need to survive, even thrive, then you learn to use facades, BUT, when you can, you drop the facade and be yourself.

everybody has personae - what you call facades - for different parts of their life: job person, parent person, friend person, etc.  we all behave differently with different people and in different situations.  so it's not so much a matter of being fake as developing a particular persona.  yes, it can feel as though it's fake, but as ozy says (and i agree with all of his post), it's about learning to behave in certain ways, which is exactly what i did.

Ack, I must be completely not saying what I thought I was saying.

I've got no problem with facades, personae, whatever. I have no moral problem with learning to behave in ways that are effective. That's what I've already done.

i thought that...

But what's effective has changed. I'm not having the effect I wanted. I know how I need to change, I think - it's just something I'm scared to do. And I can't find a middle ground between too scared to function smoothly and not changing at all.

okay, then it's about identifying and working with or around the fear.

This is starting to sound ridiculous even to me. But I don't know how else to explain.

nope, it sounds very familiar, and is a hell of a lot more common than you might think.

much as i think a lot of self help book are just good for a laugh, "feel the fear and do it anyway" by susan jeffers has some very good, practical advice.  i'm probably biased, but i suspect it's cos she's a brit and not some californian new age guru that she makes sense.  mind you, it's a while since i read it...

laugh if you will, but i used to use the Litany of Fear from "Dune" when i got into a pickle - you know, when your head starts looping, and there seems to be no way out?  it worked.

yep, i'm completely insane.  but "by any means necessary" and all that.

[Pyraxis]

ii used to use the Litany of Fear from "Dune" when i got into a pickle - you know, when your head starts looping, and there seems to be no way out?  it worked.

That's my kind of insane. 

[Pyraxis]

Still doing the huge company job in Orlando?   Is that the big change that is throwing you?    I am pretty sure that you can adjust to Orlando, I found a way to.   Once you get to the city and become acclimated with your workplace you will better know what kind of personae will benefit you socially.   I would not fret about it too much right now.   You will know more once you get there and experience it firsthand.

The big change will likely be a relief. It's the waiting that's been throwing me. And you're right that once I get into the workplace, personae will become more clear.

[odeon]

Oops.

[Lucifer]

ii used to use the Litany of Fear from "Dune" when i got into a pickle - you know, when your head starts looping, and there seems to be no way out?  it worked.

That's my kind of insane. 

yay!  i'm not a lone loony!

[ozymandias]

ii used to use the Litany of Fear from "Dune" when i got into a pickle - you know, when your head starts looping, and there seems to be no way out?  it worked.

That's my kind of insane. 

yay!  i'm not a lone loony!

I don't know that litany from "Dune", but desperation and frustration  always worked for me to make the needed changes or leap of faith that made  my life better!  But then again, what works for me may not work for anybody else. 

[El]

Hmm... I wonder if he's stalked me to here, too... that would be hilarious.

Who stalked you to here?

Dude who googled me- it's fine he did given the context; just sort of legit wonder.

[ozymandias]

Hmm... I wonder if he's stalked me to here, too... that would be hilarious.

Who stalked you to here?

Dude who googled me- it's fine he did given the context; just sort of legit wonder.

Ah, the scent of a woman drives another man mad with desire!   

[Callaway]

ii used to use the Litany of Fear from "Dune" when i got into a pickle - you know, when your head starts looping, and there seems to be no way out?  it worked.

That's my kind of insane. 

yay!  i'm not a lone loony!

I don't know that litany from "Dune", but desperation and frustration  always worked for me to make the needed changes or leap of faith that made  my life better!  But then again, what works for me may not work for anybody else. 

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

[Lucifer]

yay, callaway!