Post what you're thinking right now.

[DirtDawg]

this is my gut reaction: consider acting lessons, or joining a drama/theatre group of some sort.  seriously - i'm convinced i can do all the stuff you describe cos i was an actor.  it never becomes "natural" as such, but it does become second nature, and only takes a little effort, far less than you're making now.  and it works - even people who think they know me well find it difficult to accept that i'm a spaz.

to me, all social interaction is acting anyway, except for that with people i'm close to (few and far between, probably only a handful).

it is exhausting, but you're loads younger than me, so you should have more energy.  and it gets a hell of a lot easier with practise.

hope that's helpful. if i think of anything else, i'll let you know.

Good point!  I spent most of college part 1 in the theatre dept. pursuing a dream of an acting career.  Never got there, but, I learned a lot more of the real world and how to handle disappoinment and how to "put" on an "act" when I HAD to in pursuit of what I wanted.  Also, I learned from the job placement dept of the college how to conduct myself during job interviews and such.  It is hard, but, it does get easier with practice.  Now when I interview for a nursing job, I know what to say, how to look and what to look for when I meet the people.

It's not about being a sellout or false to yourself, it's part of survival. 

You can do it.  You know a helluva more about yourself at 25, then I did when I was 25. 

QFT

...   on two counts!


(We've had this discussion before)

[Pyraxis]

I don't understand. Are people saying that if you can't be yourself, and your facades are coming off as too superficial, it is better to put a new layer of facade on top of the existing ones, that mimics genuineness?

[odeon]

see?  you brute, you're so vivious to your poor pooter.   

Freudian slip, right?

no, just a typo. 

One of the funnier ones.

[odeon]

I don't understand. Are people saying that if you can't be yourself, and your facades are coming off as too superficial, it is better to put a new layer of facade on top of the existing ones, that mimics genuineness?

I'm not, at any rate. There's no way you can keep up with all those layers.

[ozymandias]

I don't understand. Are people saying that if you can't be yourself, and your facades are coming off as too superficial, it is better to put a new layer of facade on top of the existing ones, that mimics genuineness?

No, I'm just presenting a factoid of life.  YOU CAN BE YOURSELF.  BUT, when your doing what you need to survive, even thrive, then you learn to use facades, BUT, when you can, you drop the facade and be yourself.

This is something I told the shrink when I had my psych eval recently.  She remarked that unlike the stereotyped aspie, I MAINTAINED eye contact and such, she was quite surprised when I stated that, I learned the HARD WAY to "fake it".   By the hard way, I mean, i got my ass kicked, lost job opportunities and so on and so on.  There is so much more to that, but, thats the best example I can come up with.  I learned to survive, I am myself, when needed and when I can AFFORD to be MYSELF.  Seriously, I hope you never have to learn survival tactics the way I had to, but, if you want to see things in exclusive black and white, then I am afraid that you will have to go thru the same shit that I did.  I wish you luck and I am hoping that this makes sense, I can't tell, but, if you have a question or need a clarification, just say it and I will do my best to do so.

I sincerely wish we didn't have to use "facades", but, in a perfect world, we wouldn't need them!

[El]

When you start totally agreeing with NIN lyrics, your mom won't answers your calls even though you're not fighting (yet), and all of the samaritans helps lines are busy, you KNOW it's a fuckin bad day.

[ozymandias]

When you start totally agreeing with NIN lyrics, your mom won't answers your calls even though you're not fighting (yet), and all of the samaritans helps lines are busy, you KNOW it's a fuckin bad day.

When are you ever going to tell your mom to take a fucking hike out of your life!  Seriously, tell your mom and dad and everybody else that it's, "MY LIFE and I WILL LIVE IT DESPITE YOU FUCKING PIECES OF FESTERING UPRUSHING VOMIT!" 

 

[El]

When you start totally agreeing with NIN lyrics, your mom won't answers your calls even though you're not fighting (yet), and all of the samaritans helps lines are busy, you KNOW it's a fuckin bad day.

When are you ever going to tell your mom to take a fucking hike out of your life!  Seriously, tell your mom and dad and everybody else that it's, "MY LIFE and I WILL LIVE IT DESPITE YOU FUCKING PIECES OF FESTERING UPRUSHING VOMIT!" 

 

Nah, she and I are cool right now.  I was just in a low point.  I call the samaritans sometimes when I feel like there's nobody else; I don't actually get suicidal, just miserable and wanting to talk to someone instead of rattling in my own head.

Some employment stuff happened today that really got me down.  May post about it when I'm less buggedby it.  but emotionally better now anyway.

[ozymandias]

When you start totally agreeing with NIN lyrics, your mom won't answers your calls even though you're not fighting (yet), and all of the samaritans helps lines are busy, you KNOW it's a fuckin bad day.

When are you ever going to tell your mom to take a fucking hike out of your life!  Seriously, tell your mom and dad and everybody else that it's, "MY LIFE and I WILL LIVE IT DESPITE YOU FUCKING PIECES OF FESTERING UPRUSHING VOMIT!" 

 

Nah, she and I are cool right now.  I was just in a low point.  I call the samaritans sometimes when I feel like there's nobody else; I don't actually get suicidal, just miserable and wanting to talk to someone instead of rattling in my own head.

Some employment stuff happened today that really got me down.  May post about it when I'm less buggedby it.  but emotionally better now anyway.

Cool, and good luck with the employment stuff! 

[Tesla]

The closest person who gives a damn about me is 430 miles away.

This type of thing used to frighten me... it's simply a fact now.  A depressing fact, but just a fact.  I guess I'm an adult now.

[Callaway]

Workman's comp audit over thank god

Did it turn out OK?

[Lucifer]

I don't understand. Are people saying that if you can't be yourself, and your facades are coming off as too superficial, it is better to put a new layer of facade on top of the existing ones, that mimics genuineness?

everybody has personae - what you call facades - for different parts of their life: job person, parent person, friend person, etc.  we all behave differently with different people and in different situations.  so it's not so much a matter of being fake as developing a particular persona.  yes, it can feel as though it's fake, but as ozy says (and i agree with all of his post), it's about learning to behave in certain ways, which is exactly what i did.

the difference between aspies and NTs is that we have to learn it consciously, and remember to do it: as i said, it gets tiring, but it's worth it if you want to achieve things.  a means to an end, and all that.

I don't understand. Are people saying that if you can't be yourself, and your facades are coming off as too superficial, it is better to put a new layer of facade on top of the existing ones, that mimics genuineness?

I'm not, at any rate. There's no way you can keep up with all those layers.

i disagree - you can learn how to do so.  it takes a lot of effort, obviously.  depends on one's motivation.

[El]

The closest person who gives a damn about me is 430 miles away.

This type of thing used to frighten me... it's simply a fact now.  A depressing fact, but just a fact.  I guess I'm an adult now.

  The joy of being grown up.  It rarely scares me but it can suck hardcore.

[GalileoAce]

The closest person who gives a damn about me is 430 miles away.

This type of thing used to frighten me... it's simply a fact now.  A depressing fact, but just a fact.  I guess I'm an adult now.

  The joy of being grown up.  It rarely scares me but it can suck hardcore.

It frightens the living daylights out of me

[Lucifer]

what's "grown up"?