Post what you're thinking right now.

[SovaNu]

yeah and that was a lot for you to carry, noone should have that kind of responsibility poured on them. to save another person so completely. i know you wanted to though. you did your best, maybe there were signs, well, we don't always notice all the signs and we want the people we love to be well. you wanted to support Starbuline in what appeared to be wellness. you thought she was doing better. you didn't want to upset her by not supporting that. that's why you tried to be normal, am i right? at least that's how i would be. it's how i am. if someone appears to be doing better i'm afraid to rock the boat.

and DD is right, you did not fail her at all.

[Soph]

yeah, i tried not to make it worse, because i thoguht she as getting better. she even said she wouldnt do it because she'd be too scared and she just gets like that sometimes npw, not all the time. so i tried not to panic too much and would just go and panic to someone else and pm someone like calandale or something because i didnt know what i could do. but maybe i should have done the opposite, she might have thought that meant i didnt care. i know she was thinking about me a bit whens he didn it because of the note she left, but then why wouldnt she have spoken to me firswt, to say goodbye or something? maybe that means she thought id given up on her or didnt care about her anymore

[SovaNu]

i think it was too hard to say goodbye? or she didn't want you to try to stop her.

[Soph]

i wish she had though. she could have just talked to me without telling me what she was going to do, i can't even remember the last thing she said to me
stupid IE, it fucked up my msn a week before she died, so all my chatlogs stop then and i don't have anything to check to see wht we talked about the last time we talked.

[odeon]

Listen to Milla and DD--this isn't your fault. From what I hear, you were there for her, you did everything possible. Don't blame yourself.

[Soph]

yeah, maybe i should stop thinking about it like that and just think of good things. i hope she knew how much i loved her. i did tell her a lot so i hope so.

[ozymandias]

yeah, maybe i should stop thinking about it like that and just think of good things. i hope she knew how much i loved her. i did tell her a lot so i hope so.

I'm sure she knows.

[Soph]

actually, i just though - now i know she decided to do it in advance, i at least know it wasn't just something she did without thinking. before i used to worry that maybe she'd got cocaine again or something and she didn't think it through and might have changed her mind later. i guess it's better that she did want to do it, than that she just got really depressed and acted without thinking it through.

[Soph]

yeah, maybe i should stop thinking about it like that and just think of good things. i hope she knew how much i loved her. i did tell her a lot so i hope so.

I'm sure she knows.

i hope so. she found it hard to accept that people loved her.

[SovaNu]

 :hugs:

when you have a shattered self image there's nothing anyone can say to heal that. but i'm sure she knew you loved her anyway. it's like how anorexics can know they are skinny and yet feel really fat. they know consciously they are underweight. it's a multi-leveled thing. she must have known she was loved. it was that she had a hard time loving herself or accepting herself. it's what i think.

[Soph]

she said once that she didnt think anyone loved her as much as i did - i don't know if that makes me feel better or worse though. at least maybe that means she did know. but i wasn't the only person who loved her, lots of people do. i don't want her to think i was the only one who did. i think she knew her family did in the end though. she said in her note that she wanted them to be a happier family. i don't think she realised how much she means to people. once when she got suicidal and i was trying to make it better she told me how it wouldn't be the end of the world if she died, and that i'd get over it. she didn't know it would be like this

[duncvis]

I think I'd like some beer.

[ozymandias]

I think I'd like some beer.

I'm thinking wine, but, it's too early here.

[Soph]

i'd like some lucozade, and i have some  :

and flo is next to me

[DirtDawg]

I think I'd like some beer.

I'm thinking wine, but, it's too early here.

I have heard this. I do NOT subscribe.