Post what you're thinking right now.

[DirtDawg]

I have to i willl

 I have gone past something horrible today and i really nead to bithc about it...

My tacts have again completely gone away again. I am typing by hunt and peck, then "make things seem right" by trying to find a way to look outside myself and find my typing errors (my knew knormal way to get past this hindering functional wrongage fucking fucking shitcrap thing.  I can't feel - period  --   nothing  !!  nothing at all!1
At this point I am trying to find my tongue then my feeett  --  they are not there) not even ther at all. If I cant' find my tongue, then it makes things difficult.I have things to do. I need to turn off the water going into the pool befiooore it runs over toomuch. teh pooool is up and fillling. I only want to die.I am half way ther right now. nothig can make be turned into a feeeling I have nthing i can do.

I went through about a n   hour of torture today with the boss. he called me on some issues that I had only a slight idea of him noticing. SHIT!

SHIT!!

I found out today that my boss has an autistic child. He has me spotted as kind-of-like-his-son.  he grabbed me by my balls and made this known to me and then like nothing was wrong asked me to make an email for everybody but god, to share with his entire enormous territory. making a spreadsheet to show all the various territoriy's stock of about seventy five items which are on sale this week.
Unfortunately, or as a push past horror, i apparently made made the most perfect thing he has ever seen in his entire exposure to BBY employees and he made a big deal about my emaled file over every other employee and I had to deal with masssive backslapls from all those oversocial peeps who want to suck up to anyone in the spotlight. I cringe from the spotlight, by natural instinct.
 this is a steeep hill for me to climb over.
I hate the spotlight i hate it with all my being and i have always tried to keep myself in shadow for my own godd. this may be something to end my knew job if he doesn'y stop this crap. He says he knows but he did this centricicity thing on me for all to see.

I have lokked him in th eye, put his eyes down twice and told him that i am a part of the support group. i do NOT want anything to do with the spotlight.  Yet, he claims to see things in me that he can use. i have no feeling, except confusion. I have confusion and now distrust. I had a sense that he and i could talk and he was less controlling and more enabling. If this was so, ho would not have made a big deal about the shit i made for him. i only wanted to do my own best. i did not want to be made into a center.
Why  why can't they who seem to

why can't i just be my best without being  why can't there be a place to worjk without having to prance aboutt bejeweled or some such shit!!


!!!

I jsut want to be my best and stay me and not have to make everyone else see anything..
!!!


!!!
I gone a buit long and now my feet are gone. i can't even find my tongue or my cheek


GAWD.
I think that all looks like a rant, but it's not. It's a plea. I only wish i knew where to put it where it would help ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

[RageBeoulve]

I am really wanting to go muff diving. It has been way too long. Would it be cheating to do oral on someone else when your wife doesn't let you on her?

Yeah, actually. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news man. You could always just go ahead and do it and try not to get caught.

[DirtDawg]

now it's oput i am done-like

I want thud

I want screech

I want soemthing to touch me. or if I could just touch something.

[DirtDawg]

I am really wanting to go muff diving. It has been way too long. Would it be cheating to do oral on someone else when your wife doesn't let you on her?

Yeah, actually. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news man. You could always just go ahead and do it and try not to get caught.

honestly, i thouthg Trig wwas done with his wife.  (the term wife being alegal term, which we both have rejected, outright doue to the legality, in general)

Why should he have any anxiety over something he is done with !




I am not the best exmaple, though. When i thought i was done with my wife last year, i still did not even do moer than dream of seeking out another woman. I meant what i said to my present wife when i told her that i was in this to the death. one of will die before i go awayu. she is good. i try my best to be good and  one of us will not keep trying before the other one of us ends this.

so nevermind. my promise was made. One of us will die to end our relationship. I plan to stick with this. out of context is funny, heh? but really we are staying together and we a re planning to sta together.

i can not reallly comment intelligently or innocently on any other situaion


... but I am curious as to how Trig, supposedly being done with his legal wife is a problem for him.

just as a reminder, oral rules for a number of reasons, BTW.

[Pyraxis]

FWIW, I'm not intimidated by your best.

 

[Peter]

Mum's man-friend has been gaining a lot of weight for the past year through overeating, and now has a huge distended belly, so a few weeks ago, he decided that he was going on a diet.  Today was a fairly typical day, and he had a small salad for dinner.  As usual, he announced that he was full before finishing the salad, and he then proceeded to scoff most of a packet of shortbread, consuming about 800Kcal of it in a single sitting, which is rather a lot for a 66 year old sedentary pensioner.  Yesterday, his dessert consisted of a similar quantity of carrot cake, and the day before, it was a trifle.  His other dietary staples are buttered toast, tins of baked beans and spaghetti, scrambled eggs, Mars Bars, scones and apple tarts.  His entire fruit intake is in the form of apple tarts, trifles, rasins in scones, tomato sauce in tins of baked beans and other similar incidental encounters.

[enronh]

Mum's man-friend has been gaining a lot of weight for the past year through overeating, and now has a huge distended belly, so a few weeks ago, he decided that he was going on a diet.  Today was a fairly typical day, and he had a small salad for dinner.  As usual, he announced that he was full before finishing the salad, and he then proceeded to scoff most of a packet of shortbread, consuming about 800Kcal of it in a single sitting, which is rather a lot for a 66 year old sedentary pensioner.  Yesterday, his dessert consisted of a similar quantity of carrot cake, and the day before, it was a trifle.  His other dietary staples are buttered toast, tins of baked beans and spaghetti, scrambled eggs, Mars Bars, scones and apple tarts.  His entire fruit intake is in the form of apple tarts, trifles, rasins in scones, tomato sauce in tins of baked beans and other similar incidental encounters.

And all deep fried of course?

[DirtDawg]

FWIW, I'm not intimidated by your best.

 

I'm not even sure how you reduced anything i said to that as a denominator.

I have already left behind the places where i intimidate, BTW. Hardly anything worse than having to deal with such as that.



I was actually trying to ask a question


... one which can not be answered, apparently.

[Pyraxis]

Hey, it wouldn't be the first time I've been way out in left field. I occasionally gotta try though.

I was just thinking there are lots of ways of reacting to something intimidating, and one of them is to heap praise upon it.

[Callaway]

now it's oput i am done-like

I want thud

I want screech

I want soemthing to touch me. or if I could just touch something.

I guess your boss wants to make an example of you for the others to follow, but he really needs to understand how uncomfortable this spotlight is making you.  If he thinks you are like his son, then I would expect him to understand.  I hope that there is a good way for you to resolve this with him because otherwise your job seems like a good job.

[Peter]

Mum's man-friend has been gaining a lot of weight for the past year through overeating, and now has a huge distended belly, so a few weeks ago, he decided that he was going on a diet.  Today was a fairly typical day, and he had a small salad for dinner.  As usual, he announced that he was full before finishing the salad, and he then proceeded to scoff most of a packet of shortbread, consuming about 800Kcal of it in a single sitting, which is rather a lot for a 66 year old sedentary pensioner.  Yesterday, his dessert consisted of a similar quantity of carrot cake, and the day before, it was a trifle.  His other dietary staples are buttered toast, tins of baked beans and spaghetti, scrambled eggs, Mars Bars, scones and apple tarts.  His entire fruit intake is in the form of apple tarts, trifles, rasins in scones, tomato sauce in tins of baked beans and other similar incidental encounters.

And all deep fried of course?

No, though deep fried chips would be healthier than most of the crap he eats.

[DirtDawg]

Hey, it wouldn't be the first time I've been way out in left field. I occasionally gotta try though.

I was just thinking there are lots of ways of reacting to something intimidating, and one of them is to heap praise upon it.

I didn't quite get your context before. Thanks for trying to explain.

Honestly, I get more a sense of him being another one of those jerk-offs (I like him, but he does not know me as well as he thinks he does nor how I once thought he did, either) who simply see me as some sort of happy success story. That in itself is an unfair burden to place upon someone.

He has no idea how difficult and even exhausting it can be to just meet three coherent, low-level exchanges in a conversation, sometimes.  Or how when I say I need a break, I mean NOW! I usually work hard, but I can often feel tone of my whistle rise as the pressure inside me builds. Not from anything to do with doing my job, but having too much exposure to "excessive personality" types. If I can break off right then, get outside and find a cloud or bird I am fine after a few minutes, but if I push my little critical mass kettle past the point of screaming whistle for too long, it will take hours to stop boiling inside.

[El]

... but I am curious as to how Trig, supposedly being done with his legal wife is a problem for him.

just as a reminder, oral rules for a number of reasons, BTW.

That's because you're confusing your problems with his, Dawg. 

[Blasted]

I think I may have seasonal affective disorder but is it possible to have it for summer and not winter? 

[Blasted]

Ew.  After seeing a few "arty" pictures of dicks I think I have re-evaluated my interest in fucking guys.  Girls do perfectly fine for me