yesterday i volunteered in a tireshop goddamn. it was ALOT harder than i was expecting, tires are fucking heavy as fuck. i thought they only weighed more than a gallon of milk beacuse there mostley air. forget about staying clean, i had tire come all over me. i guess it was oil but i really dont know what it was, the only real cool part about the job was lunch and staring at peoples asses when you were outside touching the tires, everything else fucking sucked and i will never do that again.
the dumbest people come into tire shops, and most of them have 10 kids and expect you to change there tires, and babysit at the same time. i almost picked up this black kid thinking it was a spare tire and put him on a car
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so i was walking up somewhere in arizona when i saw a donut, i mean a girl i wanted to eat her or get close to her. toothpaste close. like where we are talking face to face and not smelling each others breath. i lift my hand up her shirt. "no" she says the lords looking, "oh baby" i say dont worry, he made you and im sure he knew what he was doing. i feel her mounds oh yeah, im getting hard, "dont you wanna touch my barn you smurf?" no im a nice girl, she said. thats when i punched her ass right in the fucking face
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a goat attacked me this morning, godamn i fucking swear i live out in the country and fucking noah next door and his boatload of animals escaped from his fucking yard. this was at the wee hours of the morning and malinda whos acting like my mother granted ive only known this bitch for a few weeks tells me theres fucking sheeps and rinosaurs in are front yard eating shit and getting into the garbage bins, "shoe them away" yeah fucking right bitch. anyways i go out there and see wilber standing on a prariedog mound like hes going to kick my ass out of my house and start living there his credit card eyes looking at me he lowers head, and busts out in a full trot twords me. i scream like this: AHHHHH and grab the trashcan lid to use it as a shield. then the mother fucker stands up on two legs and tries boxing me with his front legs, like those crazy deer up in canada. fuck i just threw the trashcan lid and hit him on the head that pissed him off even more, so i fell down and acted like i was dead. becouse acting like your dead shoes away animals my fucking ass! his poinky little hooves hurt like steak knives, of course i fell down in such a position to cup my balls. i need those babys. anyways my girlfriend finally called fucking animal control, and there lazy asses finally came out a half hour later. godamn becouse its sunday. im thinking of sueing my dumbass neighbour or becoming a store maniquin look son it was difficult holding a pose for so long but i had to.
