there's a difference between being taken advantage of, and getting so stupidly pissed you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
another example: i will fight until my dying breath for women to be able to wear what they want, to be able to walk the streets at any time of the day or night safely, etc., etc. but i ain't going to wander down the nearest red light district with my tits hanging out, pissed out of my head and wearing nothing much more than fuck me boots and a smile. whilst i think i
should be able to, i'm a realist, and i take responsibility for my behaviour. there's fighting for a cause, and there's being practical.
katy roife started this "decide whether or not it's rape after the fact" stuff (as far as i know), and has done no favours whatsoever to those of us fighting to make the treatment of rape victims fairer and less traumatic. there
is a case for becoming aware of sexual abuse/rape with hindsight, though - it's happened to me, and it took someone else to help me realise what had happened - i'd refused to acknowledge it, due the horribility of the whole thing.
so i don't think there's a definite, clear rule of thumb, here. so one has to err on the side of caution.
it basically needs massive re-education - both men and women - as to what's acceptable behaviour, and what isn't. we appear to be back to responsibility, again. is it any wonder it's one of my hobby horses...?