i haven't had anytonight (sorry my typing is bad, i hurt my arm, i can type better now though), the alcohol probably meakes me worse long-term, but it seems to be the only thing that helps me
i can stop feeling suicidal and stop crying just for one ngiht if i get drunk, and even though it makes me feel wors e the next day, it is tempting becase nothing else will work,
like xmas day, i had a really bad night, so i got depressed and drank a bottle of something, i felt fine once i started getting drunk. i wasn't suicidal and i stopped crying so i could relax
i need that and i dont know how else to get it