I responded to Trigger in the callout thread.
re: Les- I believe I said this before but I'll repeat it. I think I come across as more extreme on here than I am in real life, but I did take stock of some of my views of/reactions to men since that callout (as a direct result of it, as well as of a friend IRL who is stridently anti-gender-stereotype), and I think I have toned it tone a bit, IRL as well as (I think? maybe?) on here. I don't bear Les any ill will and I don't think he launched an arbitrary hate-driven attack on me.
I think the signature got a little stale but then, so did my custom title. I shoudl attend to that now.
Yeah well I am reactionary and not very good at saying things gently even when the intent is there.
I do like you Elle. That is why it mattered.
Yeah, you have toned it down a lot and I appreciate it. I did like the resolution to the callout.
Found a new sig now and I like it. Your custom title? Hell, it was what was agreed upon by the membership and it doesn't bother me and I don't actually look at it apart from when it is bought to my attention. Feel free to keep it for as long as you like.
Not seeing much of the happy, humourous Elle of old and hope in time that will change and that you will have good reason to feel that way.
You ever need to chat then PM me. Always open. Can't promise delicacy but can promise I will listen and I will be honest and care.
As life IRL fluxuates, so does the etxent to which I post on this board, and the flavor of those posts.
This is actually not critcising you for not being happy go lucky, bubbly or humourous or an expectation you ought to be. But as the bolded bit suggests. I see acknowledge that things are a bit rougher in your life than those times that you were those things, and I am hoping for things to get better, This was followed on with the thought that if youy needed someone to chat to becauase of this I am available.
*nod* I didn't take it as criticism, and TY for the offer. I hope things in my life get better, too. I've been doing what I can to make them better and it's worked, by and large- in terms of what I can control, anyway.
The things I can't? Here to stay for a long time yet, and the improvement there is learning to live with the weight of them. I've gotten better at it- I'm crushed now in moments instead of all the time (and only OK in moments)- and I'm hoping that will continue (even if it's merely a progresive numbing, whch is what I suspect it is). A lot of my innocence is gone, and gone for good, though- and I miss it like hell. I can hope to be better in time, but I can't get back some of the intangibles I've lost.
I can probably say this now that it has passed, but whilst you all may have hearrd of the one offs of Heart attacks, Car crashes and Swine Flu and the like. I was in a REALLY bad place for much (if not most of this time). Financially I nearly went to the wall and much of my life at every point was hanging by the fingernails. Little reserve or room to move with anything. Not just financially, but physically my body was struggling, emotionally I had little reserve.
I was like this for three or four years. It was a constant. It was not fault of my own but ultimately I had to cope anyhow. There was no "outs" and little hope forward. So I had to just endure. I had no support no one able to ease my burdens. If I was sick, I did not get paid if i did not work. I could not have time off to get better. So my body was not healing and getting worse and so on. Work was suffering because I was not well enough to work and my concentration levels and ability to focus on my job shot to shit because of pain and lack of sleep and because of having too little time off, so the circular dillemas went. But this is merely one example of problems. They were constant. They were varied and they were relentless.
That said and 3 or 4 years later, things are better. I never thought I would ever be able to feel the relaxation of pressure....but it is here. The fear has gone and the energy draining hypervigilance.
So I may understand a bit of what you feel and the drain it does you. I can also say that things can change.
Maybe I am just less expectant. Maybe thing process has changed me or maybe in contrast to how things were, this just appears fantastic in comparison. I think that it may be a bit of each but that does not change the fact that things can get better.
