Interrogate PMS Elle!

[RageBeoulve]

I do the same thing as trig, and you can always tell cause I have a sideways smile when I do it.

What thing is that?

The sideways smile? One corner of the mouth draws back slightly.

No, I mean what thing do you do that Trig does that you smile when you do?

Oh. When I lie, usually it just meant as a shitty joke.

[El]

I do the same thing as trig, and you can always tell cause I have a sideways smile when I do it.

What thing is that?

The sideways smile? One corner of the mouth draws back slightly.

No, I mean what thing do you do that Trig does that you smile when you do?

Oh. When I lie, usually it just meant as a shitty joke.

Oh, ok.  I'll try to keep a straight face, just to see people's reactions- then make it clear that I was joking, if it isn't yet.

[RageBeoulve]

I do the same thing as trig, and you can always tell cause I have a sideways smile when I do it.

What thing is that?

The sideways smile? One corner of the mouth draws back slightly.

No, I mean what thing do you do that Trig does that you smile when you do?

Oh. When I lie, usually it just meant as a shitty joke.

Oh, ok.  I'll try to keep a straight face, just to see people's reactions- then make it clear that I was joking, if it isn't yet.

Lol usually I can't keep a straight face.

[TheoK]

So you keep a ghey face? 

[RageBeoulve]

So you keep a ghey face? 

Nah. Just one corner of the mouth cracks a smile.

[Callaway]

I care about the system- or at least, I care enough to be pissed off at how borked it is.  My only issue with lying to get out of a legal jam would be getting caught perjuring myself.  Then again, the most illegal thing I do in my life is breaking the speed limit.

Lying for personal gain doesn't usually occur to me, but I think the issue is whether or not someone else will incur a perosnal loss.  After what happened my first year in grad school I feel totally fine about lying to my parents about some things if I need to, more to prevent peronsal loss than perosnal gain.  (Before then, I was an idiot, and felt guilty.)

Lying to get laid is generally skeezy.  Though, to be fair, I *do* lie (or outright refuse to talk about) about some things from my childhood that won't affect my partner not to hear but might freak them out *to* hear, particularly early on.  Plus there's that oh "Oh you poor thing!" reaction I get a lot, which is just plain lousy as a primary impression when you compare it to "Wow, you're really fun to be around!"

What happened with your parents your first year in grad school?

I can see not telling a brand new boyfriend every single thing there is to know about yourself, but if you were in a longer term relationship with a partner, then would you tell them about your childhood experiences?

[Trigger 11]

I don't think it is necessarily required to tell even an intimate partner every single detail of your life. If they love you, they will understand why you may not be comfortable with doing so. By the same token, if you love them in return you should be trusting that they will understand and be there for you however you do or do not need them to be. Either way, I think open and honest communication is key.

With regards to sympathy over such stuff it can be seen in different ways. I have known guys who would use real stories or just plain make them up to get a girl's affection. That's pretty skeezy! At the same time, if you really have some deep personal stuff from growing up, I could see where you would not want someone to fall for you, etc. because of it. However, someone who really cares would naturally be drawn to want to nurture/care for you. That could be tough when you are a strong individual who avoids sympathy or anything that comes across as such, even if it is genuine. Seems like that would make it hard being intimate, in a non-physical way, of course.

[Trigger 11]

I think I may have lied earlier. I play poker and bluff plenty to gain financially. However, when I have a very strong hand and I know I have my opponent beat, I tend to tell them they don't want to call or whatever. Even guys I have played with for years still don't believe though and will throw their money away. If I had it in me, I could use this to my advantage, but I've been bullshitted out of big pots before, so I don't like to screw people too bad. Playing in a WSOP Main Event Satellite Tournament Saturday. Winner gets a $10,000 seat in the WSOP Main Event plus hotel and airfare. The buy-in was only $250 and was a tax-deductible charitable donation to the Boys & Girls Club.

Oooh, I totally love bullshitting face-to-face with friends and acquaintenances for fun. I can be so expressionless that people will believe almost anything. So much fun when I reveal the joke, sometimes days, weeks, or months later. Wicked fun!

All of my run-ins with the legal system have been traffic-related. For what it is worth anyway! I see no problem obeying laws that are logical, for safety in a reasonable matter, and do not infringe upon my rights. But, for instance, I jaywalk like a motherfucker! I also speak my mind when someone confronts/disrespects me regardless of profane language laws, which are Unconstitutional anyway.

I like the whole Robin Hood idea. Stealing from the rich to give to the poor makes perfect sense, since rich people who don't share their good fortune are pretty much scum anyway.

It's all about perspectives and one's frame of reference!!!

[El]

I don't think it is necessarily required to tell even an intimate partner every single detail of your life. If they love you, they will understand why you may not be comfortable with doing so. By the same token, if you love them in return you should be trusting that they will understand and be there for you however you do or do not need them to be. Either way, I think open and honest communication is key.

With regards to sympathy over such stuff it can be seen in different ways. I have known guys who would use real stories or just plain make them up to get a girl's affection. That's pretty skeezy! At the same time, if you really have some deep personal stuff from growing up, I could see where you would not want someone to fall for you, etc. because of it. However, someone who really cares would naturally be drawn to want to nurture/care for you. That could be tough when you are a strong individual who avoids sympathy or anything that comes across as such, even if it is genuine. Seems like that would make it hard being intimate, in a non-physical way, of course.

I may or may not have mentioned that a few years ago (when I was more open about stuff, and far less stable) I was pretty much caretaker-complex bait.  Never actually dated one, but a couple of male friends who definitely have that going on (judging by their exes/currents) definitely wanted to.  The rather hilarious irony is that those same issues make me a whole lot less warm and cuddly (and dependent) than either of them would have liked.

What happened with your parents your first year in grad school?

I can see not telling a brand new boyfriend every single thing there is to know about yourself, but if you were in a longer term relationship with a partner, then would you tell them about your childhood experiences?

1.  The whole lying to me about being broke/not informing me about the level of financial support they were giving me and then *not* giving me/losing money due to buying a house she couldn't afford with the justification that my dad had a steady job and I had a year-long assistantship (mom), 'quitting' his job (dad- actually, bio dad *and* my mom's new husband, come to think of it, but the latter may have been more recent- also, far more recently, this applied to my mom)/probably actually losing a significant amount of money directly or indirectly because of using alcohol (dad, mom) and pot (mom)/pretending like this was normal.

Last week, I cleaned out my inbox for the first time in over a year, and saw some of the emails from that era... I'd managed to forget how bad things got, but my parents were legitimately scaring the crap out of me at the time and making me really miserable.  Somehow I managed to forget (repress?  lol) that that was the year I essentially paid for my father's vasectomy.

2.  Eventually, yes, but in little bits.  Disclosing too early fucks the relationship up, but so does never disclosing.  (Learned both lessons the hard way.)

[RageBeoulve]

I don't think it is necessarily required to tell even an intimate partner every single detail of your life. If they love you, they will understand why you may not be comfortable with doing so. By the same token, if you love them in return you should be trusting that they will understand and be there for you however you do or do not need them to be. Either way, I think open and honest communication is key.

With regards to sympathy over such stuff it can be seen in different ways. I have known guys who would use real stories or just plain make them up to get a girl's affection. That's pretty skeezy! At the same time, if you really have some deep personal stuff from growing up, I could see where you would not want someone to fall for you, etc. because of it. However, someone who really cares would naturally be drawn to want to nurture/care for you. That could be tough when you are a strong individual who avoids sympathy or anything that comes across as such, even if it is genuine. Seems like that would make it hard being intimate, in a non-physical way, of course.

I may or may not have mentioned that a few years ago (when I was more open about stuff, and far less stable) I was pretty much caretaker-complex bait.  Never actually dated one, but a couple of male friends who definitely have that going on (judging by their exes/currents) definitely wanted to.  The rather hilarious irony is that those same issues make me a whole lot less warm and cuddly (and dependent) than either of them would have liked.

What happened with your parents your first year in grad school?

I can see not telling a brand new boyfriend every single thing there is to know about yourself, but if you were in a longer term relationship with a partner, then would you tell them about your childhood experiences?

1.  The whole lying to me about being broke/not informing me about the level of financial support they were giving me and then *not* giving me/losing money due to buying a house she couldn't afford with the justification that my dad had a steady job and I had a year-long assistantship (mom), 'quitting' his job (dad- actually, bio dad *and* my mom's new husband, come to think of it, but the latter may have been more recent- also, far more recently, this applied to my mom)/probably actually losing a significant amount of money directly or indirectly because of using alcohol (dad, mom) and pot (mom)/pretending like this was normal.

Last week, I cleaned out my inbox for the first time in over a year, and saw some of the emails from that era... I'd managed to forget how bad things got, but my parents were legitimately scaring the crap out of me at the time and making me really miserable.  Somehow I managed to forget (repress?  lol) that that was the year I essentially paid for my father's vasectomy.

2.  Eventually, yes, but in little bits.  Disclosing too early fucks the relationship up, but so does never disclosing.  (Learned both lessons the hard way.)

Hmm. I seem to never tell them shit. Maybe I have a LOT to learn.

[Trigger 11]

That used to be my problem, but then I became this blabbering idiot and say way too much. Don't really have time right now to elaborate, but was going to ask Her Highness if she was always, until a couple of years ag, too open or was that a newer thing she learned to reel back in? I could use some advice on that methinks, because I really should have a better balance than what I currently have. I don't want to go back to completely closed off, but the two extremes are all I know. 

[RageBeoulve]

That used to be my problem, but then I became this blabbering idiot and say way too much. Don't really have time right now to elaborate, but was going to ask Her Highness if she was always, until a couple of years ag, too open or was that a newer thing she learned to reel back in? I could use some advice on that methinks, because I really should have a better balance than what I currently have. I don't want to go back to completely closed off, but the two extremes are all I know. 

Extremes huh? Sounds like depression issues.

[Adam]

Will you send me a picture of your vagina?

[Trigger 11]

That used to be my problem, but then I became this blabbering idiot and say way too much. Don't really have time right now to elaborate, but was going to ask Her Highness if she was always, until a couple of years ag, too open or was that a newer thing she learned to reel back in? I could use some advice on that methinks, because I really should have a better balance than what I currently have. I don't want to go back to completely closed off, but the two extremes are all I know. 

Extremes huh? Sounds like depression issues.

You know, depression gets brought up, but I have no idea what that would be. I went through my whole what's the point of life thing as a teenager and contemplated suicide or whatever, but I was never really sad or what people seem to describe as depressed. My lack of socialization growing up was a big part of not being open at all. The change came the first time I was truly in love and I started sharing everything, ultimately to my demise. After the break-up I really struggled and was incapable of controlling my emotions/moods for a number of months. That is the only time in my life I felt that way, where logic and reason were not winning out. Now I just really, really don't care if everyone thinks I'm asshole, douchebag, or whatever. I've been teased and ridiculed my whole life as an outcast, that I learned to take control and make fun of myself. Albeit a bit too much at times as in during April's fiasco. That is why I pretty much can't be insulted. I know my faults and try my best to integrate solutions within my relationships. But it is always a give and take, so there has to be compromise.

[Trigger 11]

Sorry, but thoughts in my head associated with what you referred to as caretaker bait and I can't quote that whole thing on my iPhone, so for clarification, that is what this post refers to.

I can see where a co-dependancy kind of relationship could result if one person was needing someone who needs taking care of and the one who needed being taken care of would become dependent on this and the relationship would not be too healthy. Good thing you learned this when you did, before you ended up in such a situation.

Not to be too personal, but have you figured out how to mesh all of the independent, level-headed stuff with keeping yourself open enough in developing relationships early on. Probably partner and relationship-type specific, but having some insight would be useful.

Knowing and understanding yourself is key, in my opinion, to developing successful relationships.

Not sure if I expressed what I wanted to. Rambling maybe.