Post an offensive fact about yourself!

["couldbecousin"]

Do I sound like this person to you?

 I think Pea has red hair, that's all.  Another ginger.

[Pyraxis]

Do I sound like this person to you?

Nah, not really.

[Genesis]

Thank god!!!!

[P7PSP]

At a family get together Easter of last year I had to fart. So I went in the kitchen leaving two brothers, a sister in law and 2 nephews and 2 nieces in the dining room. I figured the worst that could happen would be my annoying brother Keith follow me in the kitchen and get nailed and I would blame it on him. That did not happen.

Instead after I farted in the kitchen, and stood there for a minute so I would not transport it into the living room and get blamed for it, I walked into the living room thereby having made a ³/₄ circle from my original position. About 10 seconds after I sat down again the fart came out of the kitchen from the direction opposite from where I was sitting. It was most vile indeed. 

The first person who noticed it was my cool brother Richard. He immediately blamed my annoying brother Keith. At about that point it nailed my nieces and nephews and my sister in law - all of whom proceeded to blame my brother Richard on the "He Who Named It Is He Who Claimed It" theory and all of whom pulled their shirts up over their noses while exiting the house. At that point I was having great difficulty keeping a straight face and pretending to be in as much olfactory distress as everyone else. 

What made it better was about 4 minutes later when they initially tried to go back to the dining room with the fart lingering like a malevolent entity. 

Because I am a nice guy I called my brother a couple of nights later to inform him that I had inadvertently framed him. 

[renaeden]

I wonder why you can generally tolerate the smell of your own farts (save for exceptional circumstances) but anyone else's are a horror.

I know of another saying, "Whoever smelt it dealt it."

[P7PSP]

I wonder why you can generally tolerate the smell of your own farts (save for exceptional circumstances) but anyone else's are a horror.

I know of another saying, "Whoever smelt it dealt it."

I'm not sure why. We use that saying to ren.

[Bastet]

I wonder why you can generally tolerate the smell of your own farts (save for exceptional circumstances) but anyone else's are a horror.

I know of another saying, "Whoever smelt it dealt it."

Also: "Whoever denied it supplied it."

[DirtDawg]

I probably should not reveal this ultimately defensive personal secret, but, you have seen how people find their hands and fingers too dry to flip through papers, pages and such, right?

What do they do?

They lick their fingers, right? Yeah, you have probably seen people do this type of thing in the past. Then when their fingers become too dry once again, completely disregarding what ever kind of filth they may have been flipping through, they LICK THEIR FUCKING FINGERS AGAIN, RIGHT!!! 

AND THEN THEY LICK THEIR FINGERS AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!

Continuing to flip through whatever trash infested crap they are trying to flip through, these
unsanitary people, continue licking their fingers and continue flipping, right?

Well, as disgusting as it may seem, I do NOT use my tongue as a neverending moisture source; I use my nose.

Yup, instead of continually licking my fingers, re-ingesting all manner of mysterious poison when I am flipping through some unknown crapshite, I use my nose as a moisture source.


 

I just do not want to lick my thumbs after touching  mounds of unknown crapshite. I may be outside natural law, but I feel that my nose is more closely relateed to an exit, while I feel that my tongue resembles more an entrance.


You will not find me licking my fingers while flipping pages, but rather wiping at the moisture from my nose to keep my fingers working as flippers.

[Kaelyrhn]

I am prone to bouts of incessant pendantry mixed and arrogance.

But we all know that

[Callaway]

I'm still coughing up nasty mucus from my cold but at least I can smell again.

[Bastet]

I am an obeast. AWROOOOOOOOOOO!

[bodie]

I get so angry when i get out bid by someone on ebay i really want to kill them.  It has just happened and i spent about ten mins trying to find out who they were from their username -  just so i could do something horrible to them.  I have conjoured up using my metal highlighter tool (the one you pull your hair through the cap with) with the little hook on the end and shoving it right up their snotter and pulling bits of brain out their nose.  Then jabbing each eyeball before moving down to the neck.

Shouting at them "you won't fucking need it now will you? bastard? don't ever ever ever out bid me again"

 

[skyblue1]

I get so angry when i get out bid by someone on ebay i really want to kill them.  It has just happened and i spent about ten mins trying to find out who they were from their username -  just so i could do something horrible to them.  I have conjoured up using my metal highlighter tool (the one you pull your hair through the cap with) with the little hook on the end and shoving it right up their snotter and pulling bits of brain out their nose.  Then jabbing each eyeball before moving down to the neck.

Shouting at them "you won't fucking need it now will you? bastard? don't ever ever ever out bid me again"

 

that would be a good one for the  Ways to kill someone thread

[Callaway]

I get so angry when i get out bid by someone on ebay i really want to kill them.  It has just happened and i spent about ten mins trying to find out who they were from their username -  just so i could do something horrible to them.  I have conjoured up using my metal highlighter tool (the one you pull your hair through the cap with) with the little hook on the end and shoving it right up their snotter and pulling bits of brain out their nose.  Then jabbing each eyeball before moving down to the neck.

Shouting at them "you won't fucking need it now will you? bastard? don't ever ever ever out bid me again"

 

What were you bidding on?

[bodie]

an electric quad bike

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/170846260737?ssPageName=STRK:MEDWX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1435.l2649