What the fuck is the WC?
Anyways, my sister said I was attractive, and normally I would accept that compliment, but she thinks she is all fuckn high and mighty because she is a model and so her opinion is god. Then she says she would help me in some way if I got a job, Hello, are you fuckn deaf? What did I just say last time we talked? Fuckn.. fuck.. fuck .. fuck, and something about I tried and failed because this town is fuckn crowded. This time I didnot swear at her, because that is not model behavior. We were at the fuckn VFW, having food after the funeral, when she said that. I was hungry all fuckn day, and what to get? Wheat, wheat , fuckn wheat! All there was served was wheat shit. People, don't even no how to eat for christ sakes. Where the fuck are the vegetables? Those small things buried in the fuckn pasta salad? My dad is telling me I should eat real food and shit, so I thought to myself, I would but there is not much here of that. The pasta should be whole grain wheat at least. I tried to explain to him about better be safe than sorry, and his alcoholic brains could not grasp the concept. He can't seem to grasp emotions and shit well either, and its no wonder my mom made fun of him, calling him aspergers and shit. I was trying to explain my mom's behavior to him in concrete terms he could understand, because he just gets so pissed and insensitive. I also tried to comfort many souls at the funeral. Pathetic moaners, everything was a big fuckn drama. I did not shed a tear, but seeing some people cry almost got me. Get off me! Death is easy for me to fuckn handle. I am sensitive alright, its just that I thought about the 2 to 10 years of suffering people go through toward the end of their life, and death ends that whole bullshit. I tried to explain to this to my mom, as I thought she most need it, with her bipolar disorder and all. I saw my grandmother's sister cry alot, and that dame is old and in a wheel chair. My brother never showed, wuss! Oh well, next time, I shall try again, and continue untill everyone can handle death like a pro. She died 17 days after her husband's birthday, and my mom pointed out the angel wings in the sky the day she died. She saw the angel wing shaped clouds before she died , and showed that to me. She thinks she has vision when she upset about the future, and maybe she does. I just know she is a psychotic bitch, but I forgive her. All she keeps saying is how her sister is out to get her and her mom. I tried to open her eyes for christ sakes. Maybe the woman has some problems, and so it seems like she doing bad things. Anyway, people have reasons for acting the way they do, so it should be considered in how you react to their behavior. Mom would not shake hands with her at church, and I did for christ sakes, I thought for a minute she was doing things to me. I thought, again, it might be she does not know she is doing it. Whole damn funeral, and the day before was too much fuckn drama, people should try and get a fuckn grip. I will help them. The woman could not talk, and she was asparating with mucus. She had morphine, and then her stomach started rejecting food. Every so often, I would rub vaseline on her dry cracked lips and mosturizer on any visible dry skin. She just could not seem to close her mouth to breath so that is why her lips where dry. She got pissed everytime I touched her lips, but I thought it was best. Meanwhile my mom trying to annoy me, stigmatizing me with aspergers syndrome. Something about me touching and not wanting to. Oh, I like touch, I know that.
Good mood with meditation helps so much, I don't know how I would bother continuing on without it. I may fall back into my slump again, eating tons of wheat and dairy. Then I may need medication.
