Fixing others post, well jessus you are fucked up. Its a sign that little things are overstimulating. No offense but well you just are irritating at times, and so it must be more irritating for you.
I was filling out applications and this thought occurs to me, I am going to be miserable again from truama. As I continue I find sounds and other stimuli overstimulating, which happens when I am in a bad mood. I did some visual imagiery and was able to pull my mood out of rut, and bring auditory and visual processing back to normal capacity. Next thought, I am going to be ok, I can do this. I notice increase in my ability to think since getting off some grains and dairy, and this thought occured to me. Why the fuck wait for stupid Taco bell? Damn nigga, want money? Itsn't any amount good now? That is when I followed it up with KFC, CVS, BROOKS, AND back to Mcdonalds. Two jobs this time to make 40 hours because am not doing McDONalds bullshit this time.
I reacted in an unprofessional way toward my mom today just like I did with my Jessica at times, I came back, my eyes watered, and appologized. Of course a hug was included and she enjoyed that to. I understood that her depression hurts her alot, and makes her fat. She wanted whine coolers to go over her friends house, poor thing, her social worker mentioned hospitalization. There is no shame, be all that you can be and don't beat up your weakness. Its time for her to change before she causes herself some serious hell, like I almost did. I am already in hell now and will be for awhile. At least I have controll over my thoughts and am trying to ammend the situation. It would be nice if my mom actually made some effort, because its kind of hard for me be sensitive to her needs when she gives me fuckn shit. Again, its what you do now that matters most, so its pointless to be embarassed. Its tough, I know very well.
