Interesting answer,(btw I wasn't picking on you, but then I'm sure you like the attention).
Yeah. I'm a whore for it. But I am very tired. Might effect my answers.
Personally I view this insane part of your personality as a bit of an act, but I guess only you know just how much of it is an act and how much of it is real. Perhaps I just think that if you were truly insane you wouldn't know it, I know there are times when I feel that I must be at least half insane, but I think that recognising the insanity in your personality means you're not likely to actually be insane.
Maybe. I don't know if there's anything real under me at all.
Certainly, I feel that way about emotions. But, that's not right,
as I feel pain, just thinking about it. At one point, when I was
in college, one of my first friends showed me the power of
seeming insanely mad. I had many anger problems before,
but, learned that by
acting angry, one could avoid
actually slipping into a rage. Sometimes though, the acting
slides into the actuality. The good feeling of being loved and
wanted, leads to the same.
This is all a roundabout way of saying maybe the insanity is
an act, maybe it's not. I've not been able to tell the difference.
I believe in things that standard logic tells me are impossible,
or that seem mere phantasies. Yet, I am highly skeptical of them,
at the same time - realizing their weaknesses. Catholic priests often
go through 'crises of faith' but this is almost always the case for me.
Still, I find that the answers available through purely logical thought
are so hopeless, that I simply cannot accept them.
(luckily this post is too long for McJ to bother with)
Another question for you: Is there something that you would like to achieve in your life?
There have (and still are I guess) lots of things. Some of them contradictory.
1. Destruction of all that is. But I must be certain. I might settle for
all humanity, or even just myself, if it's done right.
2. Absolute control over the universe, by force of will.
3. Finding lovers who stay with me forever, and with whom
the happiness and joy which I had with my wife is surpassed.
4. Being free of the mutable future.
5. Not ever having to work or do anything once again.
6. Getting a life where I can at least LOOK at my games again.
7. Falling in love with an abstraction, to the extent that I can
devote myself to understanding and carving out new fields of
thought (this one seems less likely than it once did - it was my
primary hope not long ago - so it has fallen low on my list).
8. Falling in love with some other form of work, so that I can
support myself and drown in a pathetic 'normal' life.
9. Leading some sort of violent or political action, or helping
those in need.
