British Aspie site

[esme456]

It often only works once tho - taking advantage of a person's generosity...

[Calandale]

I disagree. Like I said, depends on the person.
A lot of people are gullible as hell.

[esme456]

I think i do agree with you actually, thinking about it

I have another 'friend' who I dont realy class as a friend and he will meet up to go to cinema but if we go to cafe he always lets me pay for things - never offers to pay himself for a change and then he wiould usually come abck to my house and have a meal

He is unemployed and always looks semi-homeless so I feel a bit sorry for him - he definitely plays this up tho

My Mum dislikes him - says he's a scrounger

So you are right

[Calandale]

Hell, if someone ALWAYS offers to pay, I let them do so.
I'm rather used to being relatively poor, and I figure whatever.
Probably sound a lot like your quasi-friend. On the other hand,
my friends (when I had them) would never make such foolish
offers, unless I mentioned that I didn't have enough money to
do something - in which case they might (usually just loans though);
I'd do the same for them too.

[esme456]

Is it foolish to be generous tho?

I feel this 'friend' takes advantage of me and that makes me feel stupid but on the other
hand I see it in a way like a test of my generosity/Christian principles

ie if something is hard to do that doesnt necessarily make it a bad thing and if it's helping another
person shouldn't that be the main thing?

I have a real moral dilemma over this person

Each time I drop contact with him as I get fed up of feeling 'used', I have this nagging voice saying 'You took
the easy way out - you aren't a truly 'Christian'/good person as self-interest has won the day'

[Pyraxis]

And that's the eternal dilemma when you make the mistake of considering self-interest evil.

[esme456]

I don't consider it 'evil' as such, just not always equating with being a truly 'good' or moral person

[esme456]

And Im certainly not holding myself up as some saint or anything 

[Callaway]

Is it foolish to be generous tho?

I feel this 'friend' takes advantage of me and that makes me feel stupid but on the other
hand I see it in a way like a test of my generosity/Christian principles

ie if something is hard to do that doesnt necessarily make it a bad thing and if it's helping another
person shouldn't that be the main thing?

I have a real moral dilemma over this person

Each time I drop contact with him as I get fed up of feeling 'used', I have this nagging voice saying 'You took
the easy way out - you aren't a truly 'Christian'/good person as self-interest has won the day'

But if this person is using you, maybe you are better off dropping contact.

As an alternative, you could stop offering to pay for him, then maybe you would not feel so used.

I don't think being a moral person is equivalent to being a doormat.

[esme456]

Agreed

That's why I do drop contact

Then a year or more can go by and he'll email me out of the blue and I will sometimes
resume contact

It's cos my life is so devoid of better options a lot of the time!

He's the only person I know who has such a strong interest in films and would prob come to see any film
or play with me if I asked (I dont pay for his ticket lol)

How sad is that?! 

I have other friends who would do this but not so consistently and I can't have the same nerdy film conversations with them as with him

Btw I realise this is very off-topic but no-one seems interested in talking about AV anymore

[odeon]

Btw I realise this is very off-topic but no-one seems interested in talking about AV anymore

That's because the Internet drama's gone. Now it's just another forum.

[Calandale]

It's not as though you are not using them as well, to make you
feel the better Christian. Do whichever makes you feel better.
Hell, maybe even discuss the issue with him, why keep this
only to yourself?

[esme456]

I spent ages typing out that description of the Bham meet tho and no one appears to have appreciated it  

[Pyraxis]

Frankly, esme, I thought you sounded pretty intolerant and bitchy in it, but I didn't care enough to start an argument about it.

[esme456]

I can't talk to him about stuff like that - he doesn't seem tuned in to emotional stuff

He is mildly autistic apparently

He's a very odd combination