Calandale wasn't on here when I made this thread, and I just realized he deserves a mention. Soooooo....
I'd like to tie him up and simply have him out of the way for a couple of hours while I put a bunch of verbal scanners, facial scanners, computer spyware, and some kind of electrical override syetem which will do the following:
-Turn out all the lights in whatever room he is in for five seconds if he says or types the words "hopeless," "meainingless" or "better to die."
-Start playing christmas carols, regardless of the season, if his post volume exceeds one post every three minutes. As his posting increases, the music would get louder.
-Shut off his internet connection if he frowns.
-Speed up his internet connection if he smiles.
(the last two are based on the curious psychological principal that if the muscles required for a smile are activated, mood elevates; likewise frowning is depressing. Studies have been done.)
-Erase all the information on his computer AND release a 'bot that will remove all his Intensity posts if he tries to disable the system, or get someone else to (he will be made aware of this last caveat)
He would peridically be given the opportunity to disable the system by taking an empirically-backed test which rated him on an optimism/pessimism scale. While taking it, he would be hooked up to a lie detector. The system would be disabled if he scored more optimistic than pessimistic, without lying, three tests in a row.
I call it "Saw: Mr. Rogers Style."
