Ask The_P summat.

[The_P]

Do you already know how to cook?

I know basic stuff, like peeling your veg, putting things in the oven -- that kind of thing.

The only veg I peel are onions.

That's good to know. Am I supposed to be impressed?

No, you're supposed to question the point of peeling veg.  What's it meant to accomplish?

A roast dinner, I hope.

Roast dinners taste better with unpeeled veg.

That's down to a matter of preference.

[DirtDawg]

Do you already know how to cook?

I know basic stuff, like peeling your veg, putting things in the oven -- that kind of thing. I suppose you know that autistics can have difficulty with that stuff -- my mate can't make a cup of tea.

Yes, I know.  I have trouble doing more than one thing at the same time.  If I try, sometimes I accidentally leave things out of the recipe or I forget the time and burn things.  I can peel carrots and potatoes, but I need a vegetable peeler to do it.  My mother could peel them with a paring knife, but I can't.  I never could learn how to make American biscuits, which I guess you might call a scone, even though my grandmother tried to teach me for a long time.  She did not use a recipe, which seemed very strange to me.

I have been working with my daughter teaching her how to cook some simple things in the microwave oven.  I think she could make a cup of tea, if she wanted to.

Biscuits are tricky. Hard to get the chemistry just right, for me, even with a recipe. I always over-mix the ingredients, which makes them not rise as well. I can do corn bread, corn muffins, corn batters, and corn cakes without a recipe, because it is so forgiving. The only difference is the consistency of the batter. More flour and eggs makes it more cake-like, less makes it more crumbly, but also leaves more of a corn taste. More oil, less milk makes the bread less fluffy and more chewy, but the leavening doesn't activate as well, so cut back on salt with oily corn cake batters.

[Callaway]

Biscuits are tricky. Hard to get the chemistry just right, for me, even with a recipe. I always over-mix the ingredients, which makes them not rise as well. I can do corn bread, corn muffins, corn batters, and corn cakes without a recipe, because it is so forgiving. The only difference is the consistency of the batter. More flour and eggs makes it more cake-like, less makes it more crumbly, but also leaves more of a corn taste. More oil, less milk makes the bread less fluffy and more chewy, but the leavening doesn't activate as well, so cut back on salt with oily corn cake batters.

Even when my grandmother added the ingredients for me, I handled the dough too much and my biscuits were hockey pucks.  I did not have her light touch and I could not learn it, which was a shame because she baked the best biscuits ever.  She did teach me to bake cornbread, but I almost never bake it now because my daughter is allergic to corn.

[odeon]

I'm a lousy cook. I can routinely destroy a microwave dinner.

[duncvis]

I can go through half a loaf before making a slice of edible toast. I once set my parents kitchen on fire by forgetting toast. 

[Callaway]

I can go through half a loaf before making a slice of edible toast. I once set my parents kitchen on fire by forgetting toast. 

Do you have a toaster, or do you make it in the oven?

We have a toaster that pops the toast up when it is done, so that is actually one thing my daughter can make. 

My mother used to let me "help her" make scrambled eggs which actually meant I stirred them, but she always took them off the stove when they were done.  When she was in the hospital when I was eight my father decided to get me out of bed at 5 AM to make his breakfast for him.  He thought I was old enough.  I wasn't.  The scrambled eggs were brown and the size of bbs when he came into the kitchen to check on me.

I'm a lousy cook. I can routinely destroy a microwave dinner.

I just read the box and cook it for the least amount of time suggested and check on it then to see if it is hot enough.

[duncvis]

I can go through half a loaf before making a slice of edible toast. I once set my parents kitchen on fire by forgetting toast. 

Do you have a toaster, or do you make it in the oven?

Thats in the toaster. the brownness setting never seems quite right so it gets shoved back in. And then me with the attention span of a housefly burns it black, and puts more bread in to repeat the process. 

[Callaway]

I can go through half a loaf before making a slice of edible toast. I once set my parents kitchen on fire by forgetting toast. 

Do you have a toaster, or do you make it in the oven?

Thats in the toaster. the brownness setting never seems quite right so it gets shoved back in. And then me with the attention span of a housefly burns it black, and puts more bread in to repeat the process. 

Ours has an adjustable knob to set how brown you want the toast, but we always set it to light brown.  I set our old oven on fire one time.  I can't remember what I was cooking in there, but it wasn't toast.  I put out the fire with a big box of baking soda.

[DirtDawg]

I can go through half a loaf before making a slice of edible toast. I once set my parents kitchen on fire by forgetting toast. 

Do you have a toaster, or do you make it in the oven?

Thats in the toaster. the brownness setting never seems quite right so it gets shoved back in. And then me with the attention span of a housefly burns it black, and puts more bread in to repeat the process. 

Hey, I've seen houseflies land on the same licky spot over and over. Some of those fuckers are sharp. Don't feel too bad ... I can cook fairly well, but making toast is never the same twice. It's not always predictable, because the moisture content of the bread varies, from loaf to loaf.

[The_P]

I wonder if Eamonn, being the belligerent sod that he is, is going to ask me yet another derogative query? It would be nice if he gave me something sensible to answer to for a change.

[McGiver]

what is your middle name?

[The_P]

what is your middle name?

Thomas -- my father's first name.

[Eamonn]

what is your middle name?

Thomas -- my father's first name.

I thought impertinence was your middle name?

[The_P]

what is your middle name?

Thomas -- my father's first name.

I thought impertinence was your middle name?

No, that was but one of many other derogative nouns you have bestowed upon me.

[purposefulinsanity]

Are you going to run for election this time?