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Author Topic: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR  (Read 21587 times)

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Offline odeon

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #915 on: January 01, 2020, 11:53:16 AM »
My dog barks at your list. :P
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #916 on: January 02, 2020, 12:22:50 PM »
Q: How do you scare a snowman?
A: Pull out a hairdryer.
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #917 on: January 02, 2020, 12:24:03 PM »
My dog barks at your list. :P

If I had a basenji he'd chortle at your dog.  :eyelash:
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

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Offline Jack

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #918 on: January 02, 2020, 05:54:59 PM »
Welcome back.

Offline Minister Of Silly Walks

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #919 on: January 02, 2020, 07:07:17 PM »
Q: What is the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

A: One wags a tail, the other tags a whale.
“When men oppress their fellow men, the oppressor ever finds, in the character of the oppressed, a full justification for his oppression.” Frederick Douglass

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #920 on: January 03, 2020, 11:00:38 AM »
Welcome back.

Thanks.  Life has been rougher than I'd like, but I kinda missed this circus.
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline odeon

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #921 on: January 03, 2020, 01:45:16 PM »
My dog barks at your list. :P

If I had a basenji he'd chortle at your dog.  :eyelash:

Most of them do. :laugh:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #922 on: January 05, 2020, 09:10:13 AM »
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.

Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #923 on: January 06, 2020, 10:56:37 AM »
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #924 on: January 07, 2020, 08:46:53 AM »
Jamie- God how long is a million years to you?
God- it is but a second Jamie.
Jamie- God how much is a million dollars to you?
God- it is but a penny to me
Jamie- God can I have a penny
God- just a second.
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #925 on: January 08, 2020, 12:23:23 PM »
A man want's his wife killed so he calls a hit man named Artie. Artie is an old friend of the man and he agrees to kill the man's wife for just one dollar.

So Artie follows the man's wife to Farmer Jacks Grocery store and sees the man's wife. He gets out of his cars and as the man's wife is getting out of her car he goes up to her and chokes her. A guy that worked at the grocery store saw what Artie did and Artie had to go over and choke him too. Then a elderly lady seen what happened and Artie had to choke her too. Again another person seen what was going on and Artie had to choke that person too. Finally the Police came and arrested Artie. The next day on the front page of News
Paper the Headline said' Artie chokes four for a dollar at Farmer Jacks.'
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline renaeden

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #926 on: January 08, 2020, 09:17:17 PM »
We have a Farmer Jack's grocery store here, about a 10 minute drive from where I live. I wonder where the joke came from.
Mildly Cute in a Retarded Way
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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #927 on: January 09, 2020, 10:51:12 AM »

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. 
 
His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
 
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled  by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my.. ah... Jaguar parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires...'
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #928 on: January 09, 2020, 10:51:44 AM »
We have a Farmer Jack's grocery store here, about a 10 minute drive from where I live. I wonder where the joke came from.

Inquiring minds want to know.
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #929 on: January 10, 2020, 11:31:00 AM »
What are Russian coffee shops called?
Tsarbucks.
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv: