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Author Topic: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR  (Read 21592 times)

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Offline sg1008

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #855 on: July 10, 2019, 05:29:23 PM »
I may have told this one before...

What do you call a snake on a car?







A windshield viper.
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Quote from: hykeaswell on December 08, 2014, 04:14:58 AM
Quote from: sg1008 on December 08, 2014, 12:31:27 AM
Can't you guys even just imagine it?

Forget practicality, or your experience....can you just....imagine?

It's there. It always was.

Offline Walkie

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #856 on: July 10, 2019, 06:53:51 PM »
rubbish joke, QV, but you're right , we need the rubbish jokes   :plus:
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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #857 on: July 10, 2019, 09:03:54 PM »
Quote from: sg1008 on July 10, 2019, 05:29:23 PM
I may have told this one before...

What do you call a snake on a car?


 :clap:






A windshield viper.
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #858 on: July 10, 2019, 09:04:47 PM »
Quote from: Walkie on July 10, 2019, 06:53:51 PM
rubbish joke, QV, but you're right , we need the rubbish jokes   :plus:

Clean jokes that aren't rubbish and haven't been told 100 times are hard to find.
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #859 on: July 11, 2019, 09:40:11 AM »
A tomcat was heard running up and down the alley for hours.
A neighbour called his owner and asked what was happening.
The owner said, 'Well, I had him fixed today, and he's going around cancelling all his engagements.
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #860 on: July 12, 2019, 10:37:37 AM »

The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury.
"All right!" he raged, "all right! Who did it? What gol-darned varmint painted my horse blue?"
The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie rose from a chair by the door.
"It was me, shrimp," he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, "what about it?"
"Oh, well, er," stammered little Pete wretchedly, "all I wanted to say was when are you going to give it another coat?"
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline sg1008

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #861 on: July 12, 2019, 03:27:42 PM »
How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?









Just 1.
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Quote from: hykeaswell on December 08, 2014, 04:14:58 AM
Quote from: sg1008 on December 08, 2014, 12:31:27 AM
Can't you guys even just imagine it?

Forget practicality, or your experience....can you just....imagine?

It's there. It always was.

Offline Walkie

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #862 on: July 12, 2019, 03:29:51 PM »
*groan *

:)
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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #863 on: July 12, 2019, 06:01:18 PM »
Quote from: Walkie on July 12, 2019, 03:29:51 PM
*groan *

:)

Yeah, I was kind of in a hurry.
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #864 on: July 13, 2019, 10:27:38 AM »
Not a laugh, but more of a chuckle:

First cave man to 2nd cave man: “I don’t care what you say. We never had such unusual weather before they started using bows and arrows.”
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #865 on: July 14, 2019, 10:08:52 AM »
A man lay dying and he began to yell out, "I need a priest, I need a priest!"

Another man came along and asked what was wrong.

The dying man said, "I need a priest to give me last rites, I'm dying," the man said.

"There are no priests around here, but maybe I can help." I'm not a religious person myself, but I have lived next to the Catholic Church my whole life and I hear their ritual all the time. I think that I can say it for you."

The dying man said, "Thank You."

So the helpful man leaned close to the dying man and in a soft voice repeated the ritual as he has heard it so many times:

"B-6, N-33, G-52, I-24, ... Bingo.”
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline odeon

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #866 on: July 14, 2019, 11:53:44 AM »
 :lol1:
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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Minister Of Silly Walks

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #867 on: July 14, 2019, 06:48:23 PM »
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her as an altar boy.



(I'm not sure if that qualifies for this thread).
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“When men oppress their fellow men, the oppressor ever finds, in the character of the oppressed, a full justification for his oppression.” Frederick Douglass

Offline odeon

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #868 on: July 15, 2019, 02:11:51 AM »
 :lol1:

The "clean" part is questionable.
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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Minister Of Silly Walks

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #869 on: July 15, 2019, 04:37:57 AM »
Paddy says to Mike: "How'd you get on at that faith healing group last night?"

Mike replied: "That faith healer was absolutely shite. Even the fella in the wheelchair got up and walked out!".
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“When men oppress their fellow men, the oppressor ever finds, in the character of the oppressed, a full justification for his oppression.” Frederick Douglass
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