GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR

[Queen Victoria]

Again, it does not matter which side you are on, this is some funny stuff.

Last Tuesday President Trump got off the helicopter in front of The White House - carrying a baby piglet under each arm.The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said:

"Nice pigs, sir." The President replied: "These are not just regular pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. As an olive branch effort I got one for Senator Schumer, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and said,"Sounds like an excellent trade, sir."

Any ideas on what we could get in exchange for Trump?

[DirtDawg]

Again, it does not matter which side you are on, this is some funny stuff.

Last Tuesday President Trump got off the helicopter in front of The White House - carrying a baby piglet under each arm.The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said:

"Nice pigs, sir." The President replied: "These are not just regular pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. As an olive branch effort I got one for Senator Schumer, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and said,"Sounds like an excellent trade, sir."

Any ideas on what we could get in exchange for Trump?

I do not know, but if we could trade for an Orangutan, all we would need to do is comb over his hair into a tornado, put on a dark jacket and a power tie and no one would know.
 

[DirtDawg]

Seems a guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well then, better tell me what you got."

Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There's a 45 ACP in the glove box. And, I've got a .380 Ruger in my right boot."

"Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 and a shotgun. That's about it."

"Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?"

"Nope."

"Well then, what are you so afraid of...?"

"Not one damn thing..."

[DirtDawg]

At this time of "Teh season" I get that this shit is too late to be interesting to some, but not to me. I just found this. I think that anyone with a brain can appreciate this .

Christmas Carols for the disturbed


1. Schizophrenia--- Do I Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder--- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia---I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic---Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic---Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

6. Paranoid--- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder--- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder---You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder--- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells......

[DirtDawg]

Since it seems to be the soup de jour, I will try to be more political as to future posts.

[renaeden]

I especially identify with 9.

Post them all, DirtDawg! They're pretty funny.

[DirtDawg]

I especially identify with 9.

Post them all, DirtDawg! They're pretty funny.

I am glad you found the humor.

Number nine and number one were the ones that seemed to grab me.

I will post more even if they are not so political.

I love funny more than hating, so if I post something political that offends some here, it was meant to be funny.

[odeon]

+

I, for one, needed the laugh.

[DirtDawg]

OK, one more and then I have to get serious about locking down flight times for tomorrow.


President Trump was out for his morning stroll one morning along the parkway when he
tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were
fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered
the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disney World &
Trump said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One.'

The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan
shoes. Trump said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael
Jordan sign them.'

The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a
built in TV and stereo headset.'

President Trump was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you
don't look like you're handicapped.

The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from
drowning.'

[Minister Of Silly Walks]

[Queen Victoria]

Signs That You're Drinking Too Much Coffee;

  * Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
  * You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
  * You answer the door before people knock.
  * You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
  * You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  * You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet
    away without using the timer.
  * Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  * You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
  * You walk twenty miles on the treadmill before realizing it's not plugged in.
  * You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  * You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
  * You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  * You ride an exercise bike to work.
  * You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
  * You use coffee flavored mouthwash.
  * You help your dog chase its tail.

[Minister Of Silly Walks]

Did you hear about the semicolon that broke the law?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

[odeon]

Did you hear about the semicolon that broke the law?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

[Queen Victoria]

Did you hear about the semicolon that broke the law?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

What he said.

[Queen Victoria]

It's so cold outside I can't feel any of my four cheeks.