GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR

[Calandale]

Golf is better. You can store the ball in your ass.

It's the wrong hole.

Well...as a male, the OTHER one's way too small

[Calandale]

Back to clean jokes..............

Perfectly clean if you have an enema first

[Queen Victoria]

The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.

Then, when the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness.

"What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said.

"It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain!"

[Queen Victoria]

A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:

"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

(I thought of odeon when I read this.)

[odeon]

A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:

"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

(I thought of odeon when I read this.)

 

[Minister Of Silly Walks]

And in Indonesia, sometimes they land just a little too hard.

(I've flown on this airline).

[odeon]

WTF happened there?

[Minister Of Silly Walks]

WTF happened there?

The plane broke in half.






Indonesian pilots are not known for their gentle landings. I used to play pool with a guy in Jakarta whose job was setting up flight simulators to try to improve their technique.

AdamAir also had some dodgy old planes that were at the end of their serviceable life.

[Calandale]

I'm gonna start clapping on safe landings.

[Queen Victoria]

And in Indonesia, sometimes they land just a little too hard.

(I've flown on this airline).

Maybe the plane was a fundamentalist and was being chased by the winged man on the tail. 

[Queen Victoria]

Young Gordon was with his parents and they were taking refreshments in the bar at Reading station when they heard a whistle. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover that they had just missed the train.

‘The next train is in one hour,’ intoned the stationmaster.

The three went back into the bar. The parents had another drink, Gordon had a coke. Again they heard a whistle, rushed out and discovered the train pulling away.

‘Next one is sixty minutes from now,’ grunted the stationmaster.

An hour later, Gordon, with his mum and dad, raced out onto the platform, and his parents leaped onto the train as it pulled away. The boy was left standing on the platform and began to laugh uproariously.

‘Your parents just left you,’ said the stationmaster. ‘Why are you laughing?’

Gordon smiled, ‘They only came to see me off.’

[Queen Victoria]

Q: Why are (American) football players not allowed in bowling alleys?

A: After getting a strike, they spike the ball.

[DirtDawg]

There are two statues in a park, one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing..

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?' He asks her 'Shall we?' She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you crap' on its head.'

[Queen Victoria]

I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!

[Queen Victoria]

Thanks DirtDawg.  I hadn't heard that one in so long (1950's?) that it was new to me.  Laughter is timeless.