GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR

[Calandale]

Sadly, he didn't.

[Queen Victoria]

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"

To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"

[DirtDawg]

What is the internal temperature of a tauntaun?

[DirtDawg]

Luke warm.

I know.

 

[Queen Victoria]

For all you dog lovers out there, here are some of the lessor known breeds that are being bred in different parts of the United States,
Crossbeed Dogs:

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

[odeon]

Luke warm.

I know.

 

*groan*

[Queen Victoria]

Q: What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?


A: a slow-poke.

[Calandale]

Q: What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?


A: a slow-poke.

I thought the sex jokes didn't go in this one.

[Queen Victoria]

Q: What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?


A: a slow-poke.

I thought the sex jokes didn't go in this one.

 

[Calandale]

Just remember, it's illegal in Fla.

[Lestat]

What's the  difference  between a blood-sucking parasitic tick and  a nigger buck that just got it's 10yo ho pregnant? the tick sticks around.

What is the only part of the bible you won't find an infestation of niggers?

The book of Job

Why are pill bottles always pack with  cotton wool? to remind all those  fucking niggers that they were  cotton pickers before they took up drug dealing.

Did you hear? the other day,  a negro was arrested after knocking the shit out of  bartender  at a failing bar. What happened? police questioned the negroid and asked it why it assaulted the man, and it replied 'muh din do nuffin, axe the white man, ee be tellin you better dan Iz can, but wuz sumfin bout a job'

How do you starve a nigger to death? hide it's food stamps underneath it's work boots.

Black magic? won't work.

What begins with the letter 'N' and ends with the letter 'R', that you should never, EVER call 'dirty fucking nigger'

A neighbor.

What do you get if you cross a rhinoceros with a negro sheboon? absolutely sod all, because there are some things even a rhino won't fuck.m

 

[Queen Victoria]

What is a sous chefs favorite song? Dice Dice Baby....

What is a dog's favorite food? Anything that is on your plate!

What do you call an R&B funk tribute band that only plays in the kitchen? Earth, Wind & Fryer.

[Lestat]

Whats thed difference between a negroid father and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back?

[DirtDawg]

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

[Yuri Bezmenov]

Actually, the eye patches that pirates wore were to make it easy to go below decks during a raid.

The eye patch preserved their night vision in one eye so they would flip the patch up when they went below decks, they would put it back over their eye above decks.