GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR

[DirtDawg]

You do not need a parachute to go sky diving.

But you will need one to go sky diving twice.

[Queen Victoria]

On average, I would say that people are mean.

That went over my head like the bell shaped curve.

[Queen Victoria]

You do not need a parachute to go sky diving.

But you will need one to go sky diving twice.

 

[Queen Victoria]

When you hit middle age, getting to second base is mainly just feeling each other for lumps.

[Lestat]

How do you rescue donald trump from drowning?

Lift the lid of the toilet seat.

How do you stop a paki from drowning?

You take your foot off the back of his head
 
Hey? you've all heard of Kosher and Haraam, I presume? well I checked with the pigs' lawyers and apparently they the ones who came up with them historically, and lobbied to have them  included in the koran and in the talmud; and are now suing  all who lay claim to either in scripture, because since time immemorial, they have been pretty disgusted at the thought of being touched by a jew or a muslim themselves.


Did you know, Donald Trump is actually a secret buddhist? y'see, what he's going to hear when he eventually does the right thing and is dumped into a hole in the ground, is the one deity who spawned the rumors of all the rest in order to cover up for his early work when he had to figure it all out himself or herself, Trump will, being a godbothering arsepirate of course ask 'are you the christian god?'

And whether or not that ends up being the case, or be it God, allah, Odin or Huitzilopochtli, he'll nevertheless tell Trump 'buddha'

'Make you? Buddha would have to be really STINKING drunk and hung over enough to have to create the first back alley to vomit into, and of course, the first bar, and I might have done a lot of really squirrely work,....Duck billed platypus, anybody? Buddha sure as shit stinks ain't nevuh in my worst moments, put together the likes of you. Bud...Bud...Buddha'nt got the legal council to afford to inclination to fuck up THAT badly and have everybody cursing my name for all eternity *hic*, this might be heaven, but try as you might you can't find a lawyer for love nor money, they all ended up migrating south for the winter and  never being able to come back. Trump-'how...'south'

Deity: 'SSSSooooOOOOOuuUUUUttthhhhhhh...' (spoken in slurred, really long drawl of the word, whilst pointing over his shoulder somewhere in the region of the Mariana trench, for emphasis), so I just tell everybody who asks about you 'budd ha didn't fucking do it already' and point at a particularly embarrassed member of the angelic hosts.

[DirtDawg]

On average, I would say that people are mean.

That went over my head like the bell shaped curve.

In "maths" and such, "average" and "mean" are similar in perception. A "mean value"  is often arrived at through averaging other observed, predicted or collected values.


(If one must explain a joke then it has failed.   )

[DirtDawg]

Kind of funny for a certain audience:

[Tequila]

Gross.

[Calandale]

On average, I would say that people are mean.

That went over my head like the bell shaped curve.

In "maths" and such, "average" and "mean" are similar in perception. A "mean value"  is often arrived at through averaging other observed, predicted or collected values.


(If one must explain a joke then it has failed.   )

I hate to tell you this, but you missed a brilliant counterjoke.

Look again at her response.

[DirtDawg]

On average, I would say that people are mean.

That went over my head like the bell shaped curve.

In "maths" and such, "average" and "mean" are similar in perception. A "mean value"  is often arrived at through averaging other observed, predicted or collected values.


(If one must explain a joke then it has failed.   )

I hate to tell you this, but you missed a brilliant counterjoke.

Look again at her response.

Yep, once I came back here to post my next clever joke, I thought, "Wait!"

Now I forgot most of the joke I was going to post. Try later, after this coffee thing dies down a bit.

[Minister Of Silly Walks]

On average, I would say that people are mean.

That went over my head like the bell shaped curve.

In "maths" and such, "average" and "mean" are similar in perception. A "mean value"  is often arrived at through averaging other observed, predicted or collected values.


(If one must explain a joke then it has failed.   )

I hate to tell you this, but you missed a brilliant counterjoke.

Look again at her response.

Yep, once I came back here to post my next clever joke, I thought, "Wait!"

Now I forgot most of the joke I was going to post. Try later, after this coffee thing dies down a bit.

A nice, subtle, slow-burner by Queen Victoria.

I was actually starting to think that I'd seen a joke that wasn't even there, based on the responses to it.

[Queen Victoria]

What did one tornado say to the other?

“Let’s twist again, like we did last summer….”

[Queen Victoria]

My three-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Alex playing calmly in the woods.

"Listen to me, Alex," his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"

Alex thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay. Disney World."

[Queen Victoria]

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens.

"How did you do that?" he asked.

"We weren’t looking for the same thing," she explained. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."

[Queen Victoria]

A guy walks into a shop and says: "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA."

The owner thinks for a few seconds and replies: "Ok, that seems like a fair trade."