GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR

[Queen Victoria]

I knew I'd have to explain at least one of the jokes.

Texas A&M (Agricultural and Mining) University is the main campus/school of an 11 part university in Texas.  Their American football team is called the Aggies.  Just substitute the name of a football team you don't like for Texas A&M. 

Team rivalries and fans are universal.

[Queen Victoria]

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. Who knew they worked?

[Yuri Bezmenov]

I knew I'd have to explain at least one of the jokes.

Texas A&M (Agricultural and Mining) University is the main campus/school of an 11 part university in Texas.  Their American football team is called the Aggies.  Just substitute the name of a football team you don't like for Texas A&M. 

Team rivalries and fans are universal.

Aggie jokes have been a thing for decades now. I remember the first one I heard in the mid 80's.

Why does California have AIDS and Texas has Aggies?

Because California got first pick.

[Queen Victoria]

Did You Know?

1) Reindeer like to eat bananas.
2) Maine is the toothpick capital of the world. How do they know that?
3) Every year, kids in North America spend close to half a billion dollars on chewing gum.
4) American's eat about 18 billion hot dogs a year.
5) The oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old.
6) The man who played the voice of Bugs Bunny was allergic to carrots.
7) Apples are more effective at keeping people awake in the morning than caffeine.
7a) Yams have 10 times more vitamin C than sweet potatoes.
9) Every time you lick a stamp you gain 1/10 of a calorie.

[Lestat]

If you want to attract reindeer, there is a  far, far better way, the way the Lapp people do it, to call in their herds, they scatter pieces of fly agaric (Amanita muscaria) on the snow, apparently reindeer are absolutely nuts for them. They are toxic raw, but when picked and cured with gentle slow heat , the neurotoxin in them, ibotenic acid breaks down to form the psychoactive, trance-inducing visionary drug muscimol.
I like to cook with them though more than use as a psychoactive. They have a MSG like effect on food,  probably

[Queen Victoria]

My mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk.

Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a Winter, Spring, and Summer risk too.”

[Queen Victoria]

 
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown, say, “That’s not it”, and put it down again.

This went on for some time until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the Army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled, and said: “That’s it.”


(Corporal Klinger)

[Queen Victoria]

My grandpa would always tell me that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.

[Fun With Matches]

The last two are good.

[Queen Victoria]

Thanks.  A sense of humour is so personal.  What someone finds hilarious, another person will find zip in it.  I don't post only what I find funny, but try to post a variety of humour.

[Tequila]

The things I post are generally original observations.

[Queen Victoria]

What’s a teapot’s favorite folk tune?

O’ My Darjeeling Clementine

[Queen Victoria]

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."

[DirtDawg]

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an itheberg.





(Just give it a moment)

[Queen Victoria]

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an itheberg.





(Just give it a moment)

 

That's almost a titanic joke.