Sounds pretty bad doesn't it? But honestly no more right nor honest than what you just said about guys, right?
That's actually been said to me by several guys. Nearly all my friends have been guys, so I get to hear the male perspective more often than the female perspective
Now, it seemed to me, first time I heard it. to me that if a guy believes that , then it must be true of that particular guy at the very least. Eventually, after hearing several guys say the same (as well as several other guys making it clear that
they were an exception to that rule) I concluded that it must be true of rather a lot of guys. Hence my declaration that there's a lot of truth in that stereotype-- to my own annoyance , because I don't like sterotypes, and I surely don't want to tar all men with the same brush (if it
is tarring). But having finally accepted that, I've thought about it further, and read further, bearing that in mind all the time, and it
does help to make sense of several things.
I should think there's some reserach to back that up. Why don't you check that, Al?. (It might back you up instead),
But I don't see that you've put anything like the lkind of effort I've put into trying to understand these thingss. You just have a knee-jerk judgmental reaction , call it an "opinion" and project ugly motivations people with different opinions -again without putting any effort into understanding where they're really coming from. Just skim-read and judge.
Who is supposed to be being dishonest here, btw? Me, or the guys who said that? And what the heck would they gain by misrepresenting themelves like that? None of them were rapists. They weren't making excuses for anything, just discussing their attitudes. And it doesn't exactly cast them in a positive light.
Oh! you must mean that it's
me being dishonest. But that still doesn't make any sense to me.
FYI, my opinions are not static , because I'm always adjusting them in the light of further information, but thise that continue to make sense, no matter how much i turn them around and look at the question from different angles, in different lights, those ones tend to stick.
Also, FYI, I'm intersted enough in the male perspective and sympathetic enough towards men, in genearal, to have read psychology books with tites like like "Healing the Male Psyche" . That particular one made a big impression on me, because , until I read that specific book m thought about what the author was saying, and also thought about how rthat might apply to my friends, I didn't really believe there were any significant differences between male psyche and the and female psyche. Nnor did I believethat my own psyche was especially female in any case. I didn't want to believe it, because I so much wish we all drop this male-female shit and just be people, FFS. (Oh !and also I had a Negative Mother Complex, as a result of a shit relationship with my Mum. As might easily be guessed from my preceding statements) )
That book deepened my understanding of human beings, because it confronted me with some significant factors I was missing, when I was looking at other people. Things I was missing because it didn't suit me to grasp them
That's not where you
think I'm coming from at all is it? And I feel pretty damned offended when somebody like you comes along and puts down my POV with some emotionally -driven, off-the-cuff opinion which isn't open to change in the least (so far as I can see) whilst judging me as "dishonest" or whatever, just because it doesn't suit you to believe that an intelligent and kindly motivately person could honestly hold a different opinion from yours.
Well, I also find it hard to understand how an intelligent guy can hold some of the opinions
you do. But I do actually stuggle to understand that. I don't just dismiss you as a "liar" . My favourite theories on that front are that you can't be arsed with applying your intelligence to these matters; and/or it's all about ego-defence, really. In this instance, if you put a rapist down as a Monster , and won;'t admit to any kind of point of commonality , that proves to the world and -more importantly- to yourself that
you're not a monster, doesn't it?
That proves nothing to me, though, because I personally believe that the monsters within us are more relevant than the monsters on the outside, and we've no hope of taming them, and preventing them from going on the rampage if we pretend to ourselves that they don't exist. So, personally, I'm all for looking closely at what I have in common with people who do monstrous things, amd asking myself what kind of thing could tip me into behaving monstrously? I call that "being responsible" .
Look into Stanley Milgram's obedience experiment sometime. That guy demonstrated that ordinary people are capable of behaving monstrously, under certain (quite common) conditions. We might hope and believe that we're the exception. But even if we are, we don't have the power, nor the resources to be able to to jail all the others when push comes to shove. So we'd better , for everybody's sake, find some better approach to monstrous behaviour , hadn't we? Trying to inderstand it is a start.