Ahhh, so you haven't found someone who knows their boundaries eh!
Well that's understandable! I have never found someone who has liked the need for such rules before!
Which is why you may need a DOM, they are only DOM in certain area's, and once rules are established then play commences..
I have been curious to try being one but haven't found the right "teacher" yet hehe. Currently enjoying just the occasional ropework and masochism related things!!!
However, i can compartmentalise so to speak in that area, normally i'm very submisive in every other aspect of my life and therefore am happy that in the bedroom only i am "king of the swingers" (jungle book referrence not actual swinging :S! ).