You are not forgiving at all, really, but you'd like to pretend it to be true and you can even keep up the act for a while, when choosing your targets. You are one of the most toxic persons I have come across. By continuing to attack my friends you have ensured that I will call out your bullshit whenever I see it.
Paranoia? See how close to surface your hatred is? All it takes is me to call out your bullshit.