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Author Topic: make someone laugh, pt 2  (Read 51686 times)

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Offline Jack

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #825 on: July 28, 2013, 12:52:44 PM »
^ Did you miss what I wrote there? Translating it (hopefully properly).

Not 100% sure if the little jokelet works though.
Yes. Did miss it. Thanks, Lutra. :laugh:

Offline lutra

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #826 on: July 28, 2013, 12:53:58 PM »
You're welcome, Jack.
Solum certum nihil esse certi et homine nihil miserius aut superbius.

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #827 on: July 29, 2013, 06:59:33 PM »
Leroy was visiting a friend in the hospital. He was trying to stop smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. A lady said to him with a snarl, 'Sir, there's no smoking in here.'

"Leroy said, " Lady, I'm not smoking."

"But you have a cigar in your mouth!", the woman said.

"'Lady", Leroy answered, "I'm wearing Jockey shorts, too, but I don't ride horses indoors either."
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline lutra

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #828 on: August 02, 2013, 02:01:57 PM »




Solum certum nihil esse certi et homine nihil miserius aut superbius.

Offline Dexter Morgan

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #829 on: August 03, 2013, 11:58:37 PM »

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #830 on: August 06, 2013, 03:45:02 PM »
Remember when jokes ruled?  Now it's all photobombs, twitter mistakes, Icanhazcheezburger (which I love).

Two little boys walked into a drug store.  "May I help you?," asked the druggist.  "We'd like a box of Tampax, please," replied the older boy.
 
"Is it for your mother?," the druggist asked.  "No," the boy replied.
 
"Oh, then it must be for your big sister." said the curious druggist.
 
"No, it's for my little brother," the older boy replied enthusiastically.  "We heard on TV that if you use Tampax you can swim and ride a bike and he can't do either one yet."
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #831 on: August 06, 2013, 08:24:43 PM »


Remember when jokes ruled?  Now it's all photobombs, twitter mistakes, Icanhazcheezburger (which I love).

Two little boys walked into a drug store.  "May I help you?," asked the druggist.  "We'd like a box of Tampax, please," replied the older boy.
 
"Is it for your mother?," the druggist asked.  "No," the boy replied.
 
"Oh, then it must be for your big sister." said the curious druggist.
 
"No, it's for my little brother," the older boy replied enthusiastically.  "We heard on TV that if you use Tampax you can swim and ride a bike and he can't do either one yet."
so THAT'S what I've been doing wrong!
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline Gopher Gary

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #832 on: August 06, 2013, 08:34:08 PM »




I've never had confetti. How disappointing. :(
:gopher:

Offline Adam

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #833 on: August 06, 2013, 08:41:18 PM »

Offline Adam

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #834 on: August 06, 2013, 08:42:24 PM »

Offline Semicolon

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #835 on: August 08, 2013, 03:54:07 PM »
I2 has a smiley for everything. Even a hamster wheel. :hamsterwheel:

Quote from: iamnotaparakeet
Jesus died on the cross to show us that BDSM is a legitimate form of love.
There is only one truth and it is that people do have penises of different sizes and one of them is the longest.

Offline Adam

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #836 on: August 08, 2013, 04:11:37 PM »
haha thats fuckin gross

Offline skyblue1

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #837 on: August 08, 2013, 04:32:25 PM »
THE JEWISH QUARTERBACK
 
 
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback.
 
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of
football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says."You are no longer my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother,"  "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"
 
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,..........
 
 
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!












Offline Semicolon

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #838 on: August 08, 2013, 05:13:00 PM »
THE JEWISH QUARTERBACK
 
 
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback.
 
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of
football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says."You are no longer my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother,"  "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"
 
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,..........
 
 
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

* Waits for Genesis
:zoinks:
I2 has a smiley for everything. Even a hamster wheel. :hamsterwheel:

Quote from: iamnotaparakeet
Jesus died on the cross to show us that BDSM is a legitimate form of love.
There is only one truth and it is that people do have penises of different sizes and one of them is the longest.

Offline Bastet

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #839 on: August 08, 2013, 11:58:45 PM »
Why I got divorced... Sad story of a Man !!

Last week was my birthday... My wife didn't wish me... My parents forgot and so did my kids....

I went to work.. Even my colleagues didn't wish me.. As I entered my cabin my secretary said, "Happy Birthday Boss"..

I felt so special... She asked me out to lunch... After lunch, she invited me to her apartment...

WE went there... She said, "Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute ?"

"OKAY", I said... She came out 5min later with a cake And My Wife, My Parents, My Kids , My Friends & My Colleagues...

All Screaming, SURPRISE...

And I was waiting on the sofa... NAKED
:kitten: OBSESSIVE AILUROPHILE :kitten:


It is far better for people to hate you for doing the right thing than for people to love you for doing the wrong thing. Never ever forget that.