make someone laugh, pt 2

[lutra]

[El]

[El]

[Adam]

If you're struggling to get laid, take some of this on your next night out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cummingtonite

[El]

If you're struggling to get laid, take some of this on your next night out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cummingtonite

First time I've actively wanted jewelry in a long time.

[El]

I'm going to hell for being amused by this, let alone reposting it:

[Queen Victoria]

From Hardup Hester's blog:

Me 'I'd like to report a fault with one of my copiers'
Milly 'My name is Milly, how may I help you'
Me 'I'd like to report a fault on one of my copiers'
Milly 'Do you have the serial number of the copier'
Me 'Yes it's PRN 445132'
Milly 'I'm sorry, that number isn't being accepted, could you repeat it'
Me 'PRN 445132'
Milly 'I'm sorry, all the serial numbers begin with VST, where are you calling from'
Me 'I'm calling from Burchill Lane school'
Milly 'I'll just check that is  correct'
Me 'Ok, maybe I'm dreaming & I don't really work here'
Milly 'Ok, I've found you now, you quoted the wrong serial number, the serial number is PRN 445132'
Me 'Ok, thank you, now can I report a fault on this machine'
Milly 'Ok, could I have you name'
Me ' Hester Smith'
Milly 'Sorry the name we have is Peter Griggs'
Me 'Peter Griggs is the name of the engineer who visits us'
Milly 'Oh right, do you want to speak to him'
Me 'Erm ok'
Milly 'He's not here right now, can I help'
Me 'Yes I'd like to report a fault on my machine'
Milly 'Machine? We only deal with copiers here'
Me 'Yes I know, I have a fault on my copier'
Milly 'Oh I see, what sort of fault'
Me 'There is an error code on the screen'
Milly 'Screen, what screen, we only deal with copiers here, not computer screens'
Me 'I    have    5    copiers    here    and    they     all    have    touch    screens    on    them'
Milly 'Screens, on a copier, wow, who knew'
Me 'So can I report the fault now'
Milly 'Do you have the serial number?'
Me 'PRN445132'
Milly 'That's not one of our's'
Me 'Yes it is you found it just now'
Milly 'Oh yes, I remember, you are Peter Griggs'
Me 'Can I please report the fault'
Milly 'What is the fault code'
Me 'E7000, that means the waste toner needs emptying'
Milly 'E7000, that's not one of ours'
Me 'The waste toner needs emptying'
Milly 'West toner'
Me 'WASTE, not west'
Milly 'West toner, well I'll report it but it doesn't sound right to me, we deal with copiers here and this sounds like a compass'

To my utmost amazement good old Peter, the engineer arrived within a couple of hours, he said 'I wasn't quite sure what the fault was, something about the compass being broken on your machine, so I thought I'd pop in on my way home & see if I could help'
I could have kissed him, I was so pleased to see him, instead I just made him a cuppa.

[El]

[El]

[skyblue1]

[lutra]

[Peter]

From melanie Mon May 1 13:39:24 1995
To: cynsa@well.sf.ca.us
Subject: Live Artillery Shell
I have a butt page story for you, but, unfortunately, no documentary evidence. The story was told me by my brother, who used to lodge with a nurse. It is the nurse's story. About five years ago an old WW2 veteran used to come into a hospital clinic in the east end of London suffering from bad haemorroids (piles). The clinic did what they could, but they could never relieve the most painful pile, which would hang down and get stuck on the seam of the man's underpants. To rid himself of the nuisance of this pile, the old man used to push it back up into his rectum using the artillery shell from an anti-aircraft gun he used to man in the war. One day the shell got stuck and the man was forced to hobble down to the hospital to get it removed. As the doctor was about to insert his fingers into the old man's rectum to remove the shell he said 'Of course, this shell is spent, isn't it?' 'Oh no,' said the old man 'There's enough ammo in that shell to blast a Messerschmidt (sp?) out of the sky.' So the doctor called in the army bomb squad, who built a lead box around the old man's asshole and defused the shell in situ, before removing it.

A good little story for VE day, I thought. --
Melanie McGrath

[Callaway]

Wow, I hope they were able to remove the hemorrhoid while they were in there, at least.

[Adam]

Hope I havent posted this already

[Peter]