Author Topic: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)  (Read 225043 times)

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10470 on: June 15, 2018, 10:28:35 AM »
[font==emo]Not too good. Can’t sleep. Headache. Pain in lower back and down left cheek and leg. Feeling this bad exacerbates my lonelieness and emptiness. Oh well! Maybe I will fall asleep eventually. At least then I won’t have to think about it anymore. Well...not until I wake up again.[/emo] *sigh*

My outer left leg aches and sometimes feels like it has a piece of paper stuck to it.  Big toe still hurts some from the break. Is this wonky left side thing catching?
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Offline Icequeen

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10471 on: June 15, 2018, 01:20:15 PM »
Allergies. :P

Offline Trigger 11

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10472 on: June 15, 2018, 02:28:40 PM »
Meh! Chest pains. Probably anxiety.
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
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Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline renaeden

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10473 on: June 15, 2018, 09:12:08 PM »
Meh! Chest pains. Probably anxiety.
Got to be wary of those.

It's not really cold but I'm feeling cold so I'm under blankets. Should get up and start the washing of towels and clothes.
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Offline Pyraxis

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10474 on: June 15, 2018, 09:15:13 PM »
Slightly buzzed and blurry.
You'll never self-actualize the subconscious canopy of stardust with that attitude.

Offline odeon

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10475 on: June 16, 2018, 01:01:04 AM »
Newly awake.
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Offline Trigger 11

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10476 on: June 16, 2018, 10:54:54 PM »
Mid-back is bad. Left arm has been really bad of late. Also getting a lot of pain down my left check meat and leg. Had to take a second Vicodin a little while ago. Will run out soon. Try not to do more than one a day, but just became too much this evening. Back to pain management doctor Wednesday.
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline Lestat

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10477 on: June 17, 2018, 02:11:12 AM »
Damn, sounds like  you've really taken a beating, to the point that any time soon, if you were to pull that childish 'pull my finger...' joke and someone did, they'd end up leaving with it, but the joke (unlike the finger) would be on you, trig.

I hope you've a pain management team that actually knows what the fuck they are doing, and that don't have a stick up their arse about prescribing strong painkillers to those who have a genuine need for them. I need to get my GP to refer me to a specialist pain clinic, because my GP, although decent enough a guy, he quite openly admitted to me during an appointment, after I'd brought some journal articles backing a request of mine, culled from various neuroscience and medical journal publications, and went on to give each of them a reasonably quick, but all the same, detailed breakdown of what the various articles meant, how to interpret the data etc. etc; that, although I paraphrase his wording, and can't reproduce the look of total shock that a patient was explaining medicine to him better than he himself could even come close to understanding, in the area that I was giving my presentation on, and that I more or less run rings around him, with my knowledge in terms of biochemistry, neurobiology and the like, I don't shove it in his face, but he knows it well enough to tell me so, was quite funny really at the time, not that I laughed in his face or anything.

And unfortunately, in terms of pain management he really hasn't got a fantastic grip on how to do things, which types of opioids for instance that are good for neuropathic pain as well as regular pain (methadone, would be the one that comes to mind, as its an NMDA receptor antagonist, the same way ketamine exerts its primary mode of action, or the cough medicine/dissociative recreational drug dextromethorphan, and that kind of drug is not so great for 'generic' pain, compared to opioids, but they are more or less the SAS special forces, when neuropathic pain needs the shit kicking out of it, and whilst most opioids aren't much cop at all for neuropathic pain, the albeit weak NMDA antagonism really does count for a lot in cases of pain due to nerve damage, I've substituted methadone a fair few times, as tablets, not watered down green syrup thats been watered down some more to cut a bigger profit for the seller, and the difference between an otherwise equipotent dosage for my tolerance level is night and day, the neuropathic pain doesn't even rear its ugly little head on methadone, but with morphine, dipropionylmorphine, heroin, 6-monoacetyldihydromorphine, codeine, dihydrocodeine, fentanyl, oxycodone, alfentanil, kratom (a southeastasian tree, the leaves contain both Mu- and delta-opioid receptor agonists, and are  traditionally used in places like thailand, although now illegal there AFAIK, either chewed or brewed into a herbal tea, I've had it before, quite stimulating physically, although in a different way to opium/poppy pod tea and a good painkiller if you get a good extract) but even fucking lofentanil, aside from codeine/DHC, their both better as precursors to other things than to be taken directly, the stronger ones swat regular pain like a bothersome gnat, at least with I have sufficient supply, but are fairly crap at dealing with the neuropathic pain in my bad leg, until the dose is high enough to knock me out completely, or else get pretty damn close to it.

And unfortunately my GP doesn't know a goddamn thing about the various ways which exist that can be used to squash tolerance and physical dependency, or even compulsive type natures to opioids, and its like pulling teeth out, through somebody elses arse, trying to get him to comply with a request for medications which would achieve the exact result he himself is on and on and on and on some more at me to have done/put up with (and which I sure as shit am going to do nothing of the sort without such methods being implemented).
Beyond the pale. Way, way beyond the pale.

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Offline Trigger 11

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10478 on: June 17, 2018, 08:11:42 AM »
The biggest obstacle is the assumption by everyone that you are just trying to get some kind of high or something. But I can say with 100% conviction and honesty I get nothing of the sort from my pain meds. Never have. No buzz. No loopiness. Nothing. All I get is a slight dulling of the pain, which allows me to get through a few hours so that I can concentrate on something other than the pain. I have tried all of the non-narcotics and anti-inflammatories, and not only do they not help, but any med that messes with the brain wiring causes me issues anyway. Those side effects are more of a nuisance than the pain.
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline mdagli1

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10479 on: June 18, 2018, 03:10:52 PM »
I enjoyed my psych ache pain when I went clean for a year. Made life seem so much worse than it was. Now I have to take something because I enjoy the thrill of being terrorised by you. Now I get to retaliate pre-emptively with the idea that you want me dead. Because I have faith in death doing nothing to you.

Offline Lestat

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10480 on: June 18, 2018, 04:00:56 PM »
Yeah, its pretty disgusting the way pain patients, whether trying to get high or otherwise, are treated. When things have got to the point that physicians and politicians are more interested in bitching about opioids than they are in relieving people of their pain, when such patients have say, been smashed to bits in a car wreck, I've heard from folk on forums for drug users (I'm on one that coveres everything from basic questions, to a subforum for advanced neuropharmacology discussion, the site is both about harm reduction from recreationals, reviewing new and old ones, sharing reports, experiences, problems, with regional social forums, its called bluelight (dot org), and I've heard from SO many pain patients, where the evidence to back it up that they were in agony was incontrovertible, and quite beyond fakery, MRI, CT, X-ray scans showing one guy had broken his first cervical vertebra, and had hairline fractions down the next few, body mashed up like meatpaste, and the poor bastard had to tolerate his doctors slashing his pain script because 'oh opioids are just bad, mmkay, you might abuse them'.

IIRC he ended up having to score from the street, with the attendant risks, just to remain somewhat able, to not be a crippled husk. When its got that bad, and because of this happening en-masse, driving many pain patients to street heroin and other opioids because they can't even manage to get enough not to otherwise undergo physical withdrawal for a portion of the time, because their script is either too small to begin with, or due to politicking and other such sliming about in the corridors of power, pressure exerted from the powers-that-be on doctors, in the US even prosecuting doctors who in someone's opinion is giving out too many pain scripts. And not even giving out too many scripts to the same individual person, just too many scripts viewed as a single entity, which of course, given they are going to many individual, separate people, CANNOT legitimately be viewed as a singular uniform entity.

Jail terms have even been handed  out, doctors are being forced to cower in fear, because of political pressure, and this of course, hurts them, impairs their ability to practice medicine, which IMO, the practice of medicine, is the realm of the physician, not that of the politician. When they stick their filthy, slimy little tentacles in that pie, people suffer. And the people who suffer the most are those at the very bottom of the food chain, the patients themselves with the medical needs.

The system, quite plainly, is broken, especially when patients are being forced, because quite simply, the quantity of pain medication they need, both for satisfactory pain relief and to avoid physical withdrawal CANNOT be eked out thinly enough to last from one script to the next, be it by a day or two, or for some people, weeks.

I know what thats like. I have the  choice to make, the faustian bargain to strike, in that I either take opioid pain meds, or I am virtually incapacitated by pain, and without being on the meds, it is physically very difficult, arduous and unpleasant to walk what would be ten minutes for most people, without trick knee and hips, and the amount of pain medication I receive, I cannot, biologically speaking, take it by mouth (the morphine), it has an oral bioavailability of twenty to at most thirty percent, for a few outliers with cytochrome P450-3A4 and P450-2D6 loss of function mutations, twenty to twenty something is more like it. I must either purify it and prepare it for intramuscular injection, liquefy it and dose it rectally (the bioavailability rises to at least 80% or so if the latter is done), or of course, do something which lies outside the capacity of most patients because they lack the knowledge and specialist skillset, and the equipment to perform the tasks in question, and subject the morphine to such chemical modifications as to vastly improve both potency, analgesic efficacy and duration of action, although the oral bioavailability (the compound I have in mind, is the 3,6-dipropionyl ester of morphine, which is at LEAST as potent again compared to diamorphine (heroin), as H is to morphine, or morphine is compared to codeine. Very potent, but not so potent as to present a danger in handling microscopic traces invisible to the naked eye, as with the fentanyls, which are common contaminants in street H if your source is not highly reliable and one goes down that route, its safe enough to physically open a vial, scoop some out with a spatula or other such implement and weigh it on a sensitive analytical lab balance such as I have (its accurate to within a single milligram, max capacity 50g, comes with calibration weights, tweezers for handling the weights so as not to throw them off tare by coming into contact with skin oils, dust particles etc. Very, very sensitive, and a most useful tool, both for the chemistry I love, and for dosing such things as dipropionylmorphine), and without my needing a biohazard suit and fume hood with double layers of gloves just to touch the bottle, as would be the case with fentanyls (which I might add, I will have nothing to do with outside the context of surgical anaesthesia, I've refused a script for it, well, I got the script, tried it and went straight back the next day asking for my original pain med regime back, because I hated everything about fentanyl, and I ABSOLUTELY shun this  family of opioids both on the street, and even more so within my lab. I wouldn't even accept a comission to manufacture them, not for any money)

All in all, it is plain to see, the system is broken. Its both saddening and disgusting. And to be honest, quite offensive to be treated as a suspect, rather than a patient, or, some docs will treat pain patients with outright sneering disgust, as if they were crack whores selling their body for rock (even they, deserve some compassion IMO, I certainly wouldn't sleep with one, but I don't want to see them suffer either)

I either have to spend a portion of my income I'd rather spend on tricking out the lab, just to stay able and un-crippled, and able to walk properly, or endure physical withdrawal because the script I get is just a bit too small to last the entire week. Or make my own (or the first and last option), the middle option being just intolerable, its quite a hellish experience I wouldn't wish on anyone who didn't really, really piss.me.OFF.

Doesn't even take that much of an increase, in what I have, and I'd be happy enough with just a little more than sufficient, so that there are a few days backup in case either of emergency of unforseeable nature, or having to travel, and stay away from home for some time, etc. I'm very glad that I have a friend who has a private doctor-issued methadone prescription, but he prefers H, whilst I prefer methadone, and while he doesn't make a monetary net profit, he gets to exchange his methadone, minus a portion to serve as his backup, for money he can spend on H. He gets his preferred opiate, H, whilst I get mine, pharmaceutical methadone, in tablet form, which unlike the liquid, can't be adulterated. The exchange works for both of us, particularly as I have both normal pain and neuropathic pain, and due to its somewhat different pharmacology to many opioids, methadone works for both, unlike most opioids.

Still, the system, I.e the whole politically contaminated fucked medical system, it is broken, and in a way that heaps the majority of, and the worst kind of suffering, of all the suffering it generates for all who suffer under that system, it all falls down to the lowest level, that of the patient, who is forced to buy his own umbrella to ward off the rain of faecal matter falling from on high. Whilst those at the very top? the political meddling vermin? they don't suffer.

Call me a cynic, if you must, but Wherever I see politicians politicking, meddling and sticking their noxious, grubby little paws in other people's pies, they don't just take their slice of the pie, but they have to defaecate all over the rest of it so nobody else gets a slice of anything but shit covered pie. I'd sooner see things return to the days when those at the bottom could have ice cream with it too, not just those at the very top, who of course, are ignorant of medicine.

Fucking bunch of bastards. Its always the way. Those on top always seem to feel the compulsive need to shit on those on any rung of the ladder below the very top, the lower you are, the more people there are to shit on you.

And another bitch-it shouldn't be the case, that catching a single person who IS solely about getting the drugs to get high, is viewed and treated as worth the abject misery and suffering, damage to livelyhood  and families of a near infinite number of genuine pain patients. Or for a genuine pain patient who ISN'T drug seeking, who takes their medication, and does so faithfully, if they do experience euphoria and a high, its viewed as a bad, dirty, disgusting and almost EVIL thing.

And, my last thought on the matter, for now, although it isn't restricted to only medicine, recreational drug use, both, but as a general principle which does apply here, is that IMO anybody who can find it within themselves to view pleasure in others as an evil thing to be squashed, and all the more so whilst of course, never applying that rule to themselves, that is the mark of a bad, bad excuse for a human being. Those who would crusade and rail against other people experiencing pleasure, in and of itself, that is a bad person.
Beyond the pale. Way, way beyond the pale.

Requiescat in pacem, Wolfish, beloved of Pyraxis.

Offline Trigger 11

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10481 on: June 18, 2018, 08:14:51 PM »
For my pain, I could use 2-3 per day of Vicodin. They give me a pretty low dose, too. But if I ask for more in less than 45 days (I get 60 per bottle with no refills anymore), it causes concern, so I control it to just over one per day. It sucks, and I am useless most of the day, but if I time the one I take just rght I can get about 3-4 hours in an office where I can somewhat focus and not be consumed by the pain. I also can get fired for doing legal opioids, so recreational anything ain't happening. It's why I tried to take my own life just over 18 months ago. It's no way to live, especially with the other shit I have to endure, but I have to try to keep going for my kids. Life insurance won't pay out if I do it myself. Such is life.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2018, 07:34:16 AM by Trigger 11 »
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline Trigger 11

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10482 on: June 20, 2018, 07:34:59 AM »
Guilty. Useless. Unwanted. Emo stuff.
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline Lestat

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10483 on: June 20, 2018, 08:18:00 AM »
At that level, one per day, you might get some aching, runny nose/eyes, sleeplessness for a few days, but not full blown horror-withdrawals that are near beyond human endurance.
Beyond the pale. Way, way beyond the pale.

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Offline Trigger 11

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Re: How are you feeling right now? (Pt 2)
« Reply #10484 on: June 20, 2018, 08:28:21 AM »
The worst I get is some constipation. I get no "buzz" from narcotics and have never been impaired. I have had 20 surgical procedures, so I have been on plenty of stuff over the years. Certain ones give me headaches, which can be worse than the pain they are suppose to be helping with. But the low dose Vicodin has really had no meaningful side effects.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2018, 10:25:11 AM by Trigger 11 »
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems