Bloody milk thief has struck again. For years now, even at the old house before we moved (been here about ten years, at least) there has been some sticky-fingered whorespawn going round jacking milk from people in the area, the milk-man has been having a lot of problems with this greedy fuckin wanker has been going round really early in the morning (the milk typically arrives at 3am or later.)
Struck again here tonight, the little goddamn shit varies the doorsteps he/she taxes from. I was up and awake too, so whoever it is, is a right cocky little dickwad. Brazen, brass bloody neck he has.
Going to be waiting for him now. Or, I'm thinking, of regularly leaving some boobytrapped milk out for him. A pressure sensor and a little radiotransmitter to signal a few LEDs would be perfect. And in the milk itself, is going to be some kind of poison. I haven't quite decided what, yet. It'll be completely and absolutely non-lethal. But chosen for severity of unpleasantness. Perhaps a massive, massive dose of both apomorphine and a powerful laxative, something really fucking rough on the insides in regular doses. Spiked with enough of both to leave him utterly incapacitated and going through a living breathing hell-on-earth. Maybe something like a large dose of pseudoephedrine, a potent laxative, the apomorphine (formed by heating morphine in a closed test tube with some concentrated hydrochloric, it undergoes a ring-opening/rearrangement, and gives apo-morphine. Devoid of opiate effects entirely, but instead its a powerful, powerful and rapidly acting, pretty damned unkind emetic. And something like a non-dangerous but delirium-inducing dose of atropine. Maybe a bit of PCP or ketamine in there too.
God damn, the very thought of consuming that mixture is enough to give one nightmares all on its own. Won't stand a chance of killing the fucker, but it'll be aversive in the EXTREME, bringing a whole new thesaurus of meanings for 'traumatized'
And best of all, it'll only take down the intended target. He refrains from stealing any of our milk forevermore, and he won't suffer. But should he once again dare to sup from MY cup, he will most certainly have a horrific, brutal, awful, psychologically-traumatizing, potentially PTSD-inducing shocker of a time for his bald-faced theft.
This time, he has jacked the WRONG fucking guy. Fuck, has he ever dropped himself in it. And has no idea whats in store for him.
In truth, I'd cheerfully just spike it with some arsenic trioxide, cyanide, sodium azide, some horrible, lethal GABAa inverse agonist (panicogen, convulsant, very, very very cruel way to die. Such as the polyyne longchain alcohols found in water hemlocks, such as circutoxin or oenanthetoxin.) But, no. I am going to have to stay my hand. He doesn't deserve it for a picosecond, not a milligram of mercy and forgiveness. As it is, psychotic raving delirium, massive PNS adrenergic storm, in combination with both brutal stomach/intestinal cramping, explosive diarrhea and vomiting so hard theres nothing left but bile and his own shit, dredged up from his intestines. (the term, is 'stercoraceous vomiting', meaning to vomit and vomit, and vomit some more until all thats left in the digestive system is faeces. Which then get..surprise surprise, vomited. And vomited. And vomited....and........until the lil shitbag is left collapsed in the foetal position, twitching, shitting himself all over, exorcist-esque vomiting and finally, hopefully, puking up his own shit until it comes in liquid form out of both mouth and nose at the same time.
Actually, thats him getting lucky. My first instinct was just to camp the bottom of the stairs, waiting until the fucker takes the bait, trips the signal to alert me, and gets a face full of sledgehammer, or dye some concentrated sulfuric acid white. But I don't particularly want a corpse on my hands. Less still a corpse with a charred, smoking hole in place of a neck and oesophagus. He's getting off very very lightly, compared to what could have been in store for the nasty little thief, in that he won't simply be extirpated, or be left quadriplegic and locked-in for the rest of his fucking worthless life.
Its not the milk, not the value of the product he's taking, but the goddamn bald-faced insolence of it. That, thats what I'm not prepared to tolerate, and the reason he has drawn my ire.
