Bitching about my old aunt

['Butterflies']

For quite a long time now I've been helping to look after my neice. Every week or so I bring her away and do we do stuff. Usually it's just a trip through to the city, or a drive to McDonalds, or to get ice-cream. She's 13 and a great kid, and TBH it's one of the highlights of my week

I don't want to lose this relationship with her, but her mum is starting to drive me nuts. At first it was just baby-sitting my niece, with no real relationship with her mum, but recently she has started to try and become friends with me and my friends. We all love my little cousin, but none of us can be bothered with her mum.

I don't hate her, but I find her pathetic. She's in her late 30's and reasonably good looking for her age, and "seperated" from my cousins dad. My cousins dad has relationships with women, and obviously just sees her as an easy lay when he's bored. She has started to invite herself to our house, and drinks our wine while constantly moaning about her relationship with him.

I think it shows an amazing lack of self-respect and dignity that she is prepared to let him walk all over her and screw her at will, while she turns down other men because of her "relationship" with him. She's not getting any younger, and is going to end up a sad lonely angry old lady. I've obviously tried to give her advice, but like all women in that situation, she won't listen because she thinks he loves her

I find it almost impossible to continue to offer her sympathy. I find her pathetic. I can't understand how any woman could allow herself to be treated in such a degrading way. I find it degrading just listening to her

Obviously I should just stop being friends with her, but if I do that I will lose my relationship with my little cousin, and I would find that really sad.


I'm really just venting here. I'm not looking for advice, because there is none. If I want to have a relationship with my little cousin, then I need to put up with her mum. I just try and make excuses not to meet up with her. I just wish she would stop seeing us as her friends

[Callaway]

You're right that it's pathetic that she lets him use her like she does, but there's really nothing that you can do that I can see other than continue to be there for your young cousin.

[bodie]

Next time she tags along with you and your friends try saying summat like

"oh yeah we have all agreed the one topic off limits tonight is relationships"

see what she comes up with

[Al Swearegen]

I don't think this is something I can give decent advice on. I am rather blunt with such things.
I would likely ask her things very pointedly and hence I am not likely to keep such relationships.

['Butterflies']

That's the reason Im so pissed off by it. I dont want much to do with her, but she knows how much I like my little cousin. If I piss her off I wont get to see my cousin.

I know this will end badly, because if I dont tell her shes a pathetic old bag, one of my friends will. We've even tried to get het to go on OKvupid.

She'd rather be a desperation fuck for a guy, than get a little self-respect. Wouldn't bother me in thr slightest if she would just get out of my face.

[Al Swearegen]

That's the reason Im so pissed off by it. I dont want much to do with her, but she knows how much I like my little cousin. If I piss her off I wont get to see my cousin.

I know this will end badly, because if I dont tell her shes a pathetic old bag, one of my friends will. We've even tried to get het to go on OKvupid.

She'd rather be a desperation fuck for a guy, than get a little self-respect. Wouldn't bother me in thr slightest if she would just get out of my face.

Go for complete apathy then.

['Butterflies']

apathy is the only thing that gets me through when it comes to her.

["couldbecousin"]

apathy is the only thing that gets me through when it comes to her.

 That sounds fine.  I doubt anyone can change her mind about your cousin's dad, she'll just have to get fed up with him in her own time.

[Al Swearegen]

apathy is the only thing that gets me through when it comes to her.

I was thinking along the lines of:

Her: "Bloody X is such an arsehole. He came in on Sunday pissed off his head and demanded sex..."
You: "That is great...by the way what do you think of Princess Beautrice's hat? Wasn't it a shocker. You know someone paid over 100 pounds for it?"
Her: " Errr"

['Butterflies']

I would happily tell her what a wretched pathetic excuse for a woman she is, and that I feel disgust when I'm in her company, and that she is a shamefull disgrace to all women.
If I do that I dont get to see my littlr cousin again. It will happen though, because I can't put up with her any longer.

[bodie]

try to look concerned...and say..
...omg....are you ill?...you look really
tired...i think you should stay home and have
some early nights

[midlifeaspie]

If I piss her off I wont get to see my cousin.

How sure are you of that?

['andersom']

If I piss her off I wont get to see my cousin.

How sure are you of that?

Indeed, a good babysitter is hard to find.

I've told a woman once that I was not feeling better for her calling or visiting every time. (She tried to make it sound something she was doing for me, because I'd need it). It did stop her habits. Did not stop her kids visiting us. Was a huge improvement. Someone else I know didn't do that, and had her over every day. Saying it in a mild way, telling you need your time for other things may work out well. How are your friends reacting on her intrusions? May be good to discuss it with them first. So that your aunt will not have the excuse that your friends don't mind.

[Icequeen]

She made her choice the minute she opened the door back up to him, now she needs to put on her big girl panties and either live with that choice or make a change.

If she's waiting for him to change, it's NOT going to happen. Women usually open the door back up because it's familiar, after a few years you know the nature of the beast (the bad and the good), there's no fear of rejection, there's no "first date jitters", and there's no trying to make conversation once you already know someone. You already know what to expect, because you've been there before.

Some do it for finiancial reasons too, or because they don't have anywhere else to go and the life they can provide for their kids solo wouldn't be so nice. You make the choice of what you can live with in life.

Myself, I think I'd have to be blunt after awhile, I don't really have alot of patience for stuff like this.

Maybe ignoring her, like the others suggested would work though, you're cousin I'm sure could use you being around right now.






 

['Butterflies']

My friends love having my little cousin round, but they hate having to deal with her mum. Like myself, they hate the fact that she has tried to force her way into our little group. She isn't a great parent, and I know that it would hurt my little cousin if she stops her seeing me. My little sister has just moved across to live with me, and she's only 17, and she's started to build a friendship with my little cousin.

She knows that I'm socially inept, and I think she's convinced herself that she's the fun aunt that I want to have around. I do think that the only way to get rid of her is to fall out with her, and if I do that I think she'll stop me seeing my cousin. I'm not really needed as a babysitter. She lets my cousin hang out with me because my cousin likes it.

I don't think she even counts as my cousin. Wierd family circumstances, but there is no blood connection between us.

I know my aunt has become a doormat, but there's nothing I can do about that. It's her decision, even though I disagree with it.


Possibly my biggest regret in life is that when I was 15 and fell out with my parents, I moved away and only saw my little sister a few times in 6 years. She was 11 at the time, and I missed the chance to see her grow up and to be a big sister. It's only in the last 6 months that we've had a chance to get to know each other again. Having her living with me again has been the coolest thing.

In a funny kinda way I was seeing my little cousin almost as another chance to go through the stuff I missed with my sister. It was going so great until her mum came along. Now I'm seeing myself missing out again, and she's such a cool wee girl. I wouldn't mind if I was only having to see her mum every month or so, but it seems constant.

Last week she phoned me up and asked if I minded her coming round, and she'd bring some wine round. I agreed, and she turned up with two bottles of wine, and then had the cheek to ask me for the money she spent on them. Everyone in my house is a non-smoker, and she sits in the livingroom smoking.

I'm going to have a word with my aunt and uncle(the ones who are like my parents) and ask them if they can sort this for me. They're a lot better at stuff like that than me.