Thinking back to elementary school...
Bullying's a hard thing to define. Of the bullies I've run into, some were malicious, some were genuinely ignorant to the effect their words caused, and some were re-creating their own issues. When I was about nine, there was a girl who stood beside me in choir and made fun of my singing. She'd say I sang too loud - so one day I gave up and started singing really quietly. Afterwards, I overheard her saying to her clique in a bewildered voice, "she actually listened to me...." I couldn't figure out what this girl had expected of me - but it
wasn't to act like a quiet victim. I come from a family that barely teases or banters with each other at all. Between that and spectrum communication problems, I think I interpreted even friendly gestures as bullying. And in the reverse, so-called bullies interact with people, expecting their force to be returned equally, but then the other folds and calls it bullying.
Shima - from the perspective of a person like RobertN, there are indeed bullies here. But there is also plenty of warning that this is a no-holds-barred site. RobertN seems to expect the whole world to conform to his standards of what is and isn't bullying. But the fact is that the line between fun and hurt lies in a different place for every person. There is no single system that will work for everybody. Make a place as safe as Ramoth, as safe as I tried to make the Haven forum on WrongPlanet, and you will find that instead of creating an environment where everyone can feel at home, you've alienated a whole different set of people - the ones who
don't know how to moderate their words to fit the unwritten social rules for niceness.
I want you to look deep into your hearts and tell me if you are using your brains or your fists.
I am using both. In this world, it's impossible to live your life without bringing your strength to bear against somebody, somewhere. Even Gandhi tested his will against others'... who's to say that there wasn't somebody, somewhere, hurt by things he did, or causes he didn't defend, or people he didn't notice. And that's as it should be. There is injustice in the world, things that
should be fought, and to fight them, one must learn to fight in an environment where the stakes aren't as high. I see that as one of the purposes of Intensity. That's how I use it personally. And even in a practice arena, there are going to be bruises.
I believe the trick is to know when to use brains and when to use fists. You don't tell a rape victim that they brought it on themselves... but there are times when you need to knock a borderline on their ass and show them precisely how something is the direct consequence of their own actions. For example. Because victimhood, like anything else on earth that provokes a reaction, can be used as a type of manipulation. So the hard part is knowing what's real and what's not.
And in the case of RobertN, I can't really say for sure. So I fall back on the default idea that he is not forced to come here. He was never forced to stay. He is an adult - an adult with issues, certainly, but he nonetheless agreed to the disclaimer when he registered on the site. So while I think it's a waste of energy to rip on him for the joy of maliciousness, nor do we on Intensity have an obligation to fawn all over him and kowtow to his demands until he doesn't feel hurt anymore. And I definitely don't believe that RobertN's reaction is a reason to condemn Intensity itself as a corrupt and immoral site.
In a way, I think we're saying the same thing. I don't believe in turning the other cheek - actually I have some serious issues with that concept, because to be put into practice as it's written would mean allowing oneself to become a victim of all and sundry, allowing oneself to be raped, etc. But I do see a meaningful purpose here - and I don't know whether it's enhanced by the behavior RobertN and maybe you see as bullying - but nor am I going to condemn that behavior unless it really is motivated by nothing but cruelty.
So - kudos for bringing up this question - it's an important one.
