Kit, I think I have explained it fairly well already. I'm sorry I'm not apologetic. I don't feel sorry any more than anyone else here does. I thought your post was kind of funny. You are pretty good with words. I have to work at it and so it comes out the way it does and when I'm triggered really bad, it gets even worse. That's all I can say. I'm not sorry. I'm pissed. I have a lot to deal with and don't need any further contributions from people who don't understand and want to keep throwing more shit my way. I'm too angry to walk away so I stayed to fight it out. It doesn't help. Crying is better and being alone better still.
"Good with words?" I'm not sure what it means but thanks? It took me a while to type it all out. In real life I am not good but online it's easier because I can sit down and think and put all my words together. That's why I do better online with communication.
I just try and be nice and rational is all. I could have said more in that post but I didn't because I felt it would have been unnessesary. Sometimes I will lose it and act all irrational and attack and I feel I should have tried harder at controlling it. I feel I should have handled it better in email between us than attacking back and obliging you but the problem was I was going through some issues myself, the sinsboldly incident so I was already sensitive than tough. I should have just walked away not not continue to talk with you or try and make you be rational because I know I made it worse.
I always tell myself it's the internet and who cares what a bunch of strangers think online, they don't know you in real life. I am the same with strangers, I also don't care what they think because they don't know me. I'm the same with anyone, co workers, neighbors. They don't know me. A stranger can yell asshole out the window to me and I wouldn't care or some woman getting bitchy with me as she is on her mobile just because I thought she was talking to me and I was in too much of a rush to catch a bus and I responded to her when I thought she spoke to me because I didn't even look at her to make sure.
You agree fighting it doesn't help and crying is better. I would go along with crying and no one will know. I learned a long time ago fighting online is a waste of time of energy and not worth it. Same as what people think. If I am online fighting and doing funny comebacks or insults, then that is me trolling. But I retired from it because I got bored with it and don't have the mental energy for it. Maybe it's my preggo hormones. They change your mood and energy.
I like being alone too because I also can't stand people. Lot of them piss me off and I bet another 50 years I won't have one niceness left in me because I got so fed up with the crap people do. I've already gotten less nicer over the last seven or eight years. People I can stand are my family and husband and I go to autism groups. None of them piss me off. My husband does a little and so can my mom but not much. Plus I find them boring. They can be fun but it depends on the person.
