FOR THE ATTENTION OF ROBERTNRight then, time to set the record straight. Firstly, apologies for lateness - I was halfway through a response this morning when the sodding electric went, so I havent had chance to do this til now. As this is the first civil comment you have directed at me since before the comrade speaks, I'll be happy to address the questions, with no jabs - I've no intention of entering into another row with you, cos I'll be damned if I do, and damned if I don't. I won't be posting this on Aspie Trash though, as I have no intention of joining.
I want to find out why he hates me so much.
First point - I don't actually hate you Robert. Certain things you say drive me nuts, and occasionally I'm inclined to comment. It isn't intended as bullying, just an expression of a short fuse, virtually no tact, and a tendency to be extremely blunt. That doesn't make me a thug - just
an aspie, although with a very different set of challenges and life experiences to you. In hindsight it isn't surprising I appear to have wounded your pride - that wasn't my intent, and I apologise if my comments upset you.
I would like to first of all correct his unfair charactor assassinations of me - firstly, that I am a "little mommas boy" and secondly that I am a "champagne socialist".
Firstly, my parents are not rich. My Mum separated from my real Dad ten years ago and we (my mum, brother and myself) lived in "respectable" poverty until she remarried. I got £10 pocket money a month (which is very low by today's standards) and if I was lucky I got a one week holiday each year in Somerset. This luxurious and pampered lifestyle that Dunc seems to image I had (and am still having) is coming out of his arse.
The fact that I went to private schools is merely coincidental. I started off at age five in a bog standard state school, but I didn't like it (yes I was bullied). So I then went to a local, cheap private primary school. From then on I did very well academically, always at the top of the class in virtually every subject. As the years went on (and my real Dad got better jobs), I went to more expensive private schools, which were very keen to have me due to my intelligence. Then my parents' divorce occurred when I was in a preparatory school in Cambridge. My parents couldn't continue to pay the fees, but the Headmaster said I could stay for next to nothing. From then on it was my intellect rather than my parents' pocket that has kept me in the private school system.
I hope that goes to de-spell some of these myths that have grown up about me.
On one level, the class issue is a red herring Robert. I was already aware from some of your previous posts elsewhere that you were not brought up swimming in money. The 'champagne socialist' crack wasn't one of mine, but I will say that digs of that nature only came into play after your own classist remarks, i.e. 'tramp', 'street rat', etc etc. - so it was pretty much a natural response to the irony of such snobbish remarks coming from an avowed socialist.
I don't even have a problem with the majority of middle class people, just people who think they get to look down on me. My best friend IRL (other than PI, obviously) is a nice, polite, well brought up, middle class lad from York (and much piss we've taken out of him, lol) - and he's a fucking star, I love him like a brother.
Regarding the mummy's boy stuff. Again, not the least offensive way I could have made my point - but here's the thing. Would you consider that you have had a sheltered upbringing? Regardless of who was paying, you were in the private school system; the comments in your posts suggest that there are many things you haven't yet seen, or done, or felt for yourself, or have been directly affected by; and how many opportunities have you had since finishing school to experience life a little? I'm not trying to provoke you here - just asking the question, as this is the impression you project to others, and is the reason some people seem to feel that it was unfair of me to treat you as I would another adult who was having a go at me. My comments to you about this, (and those Praetor made in similar vein on Aspie Village) were intended to encourage you to have a look at aspects of yourself that you have trouble with, and to broaden your experiences/outlook on life - and look at what you CAN do to improve your social skills - despite the bluntness, my intention was to make you think.
Not to make you think I hated you, who you are and what you stand for.
As for the champagne socialist thing Dunc, I am claiming Incapacity Benefit just like you probably are. If the government decided to collapse the Welfare State tomorrow, I would be as badly hit as you would be. I am in no way "protected" from the Outside World any more than you are.
As regards champagne socialist, I've just covered that bit above.
As regards my comments about you getting a job instead of screwing over vulnerable aspies, that was intended to highlight the fact that I do have a legitimate reason for living off the State (although I am sure I won't be forever), whereas you clearly have the social skills and practical skills to get a job. I could be wrong though. If there are no jobs in your area, then perhaps that was an unfair comment. I am willing to admit that even I can be mistaken sometimes.
Two comments on this bit - first one - I haven't screwed
anybody over, vulnerable or otherwise. The idea that I am some manipulative, evil dictator is a myth - I understand Kevv has explained the actual level of my involvement at Intensity behind the scenes.
Secondly, you're sure you won't be on benefits forever - good. This ties in with what I was trying to get across to you earlier in my reply - life is fucking hard. The more you learn to cope with, including opinionated fuckers like me, the easier its going to be to cope out there. The best of luck with that, sincerely.
I also have a legitimate reason for being on benefits, and I'm glad you recognised that there are circumstances in which your assumption I don't would be unfair.
Since you were willing to share some of your history, I'll do the same.
My social skills are not great, but well practiced, in as much as I've had thirty years to build up schemas of how to approach different situations, rote responses to questions, planning likely conversations in my head, social situations which are now familiar through repetition. Outside this framework, my social commonsense is pretty much nonexistent. Office politics? Fitting in, and being able to conform to someone else's routine, policies, values/way of doing things? Forget it.
Its been suggested by some that I
can't be significantly affected by AS because I got married and had kids. Yeah, I ended up in a relationship - which was sheer dumb luck - being in the right place at the right time - if I hadn't chanced on someone (who was also very drunk) who had as many social issues and character quirks as I have, I'd likely still be single. Even with another (probable) aspie its been a fucking steep learning curve, and I've fallen off a few times.
Practical skills are a bit of a sore point. Currently, there is no place for me in the local job market, and various factors make it difficult for me to hold down jobs. I went through a dozen jobs after I left school and college (I left school at 16 because I hated it, then discovered I hated every crappy job I had as well and figured I might be able to be a slightly better treated wage slave if I got A levels and enrolled the following year at the local community college, where I got decent grades in Politics, Philosophy and Sociology) and got screwed in every one of them, winding up unemployed long term, with a wife and baby to support - so I went to University as a mature student. After incurring severe debts working for my degree, I found myself repeatedly rejected for graduate level positions because my social skills were not good enough, I wound up after a few more failed accounting and sales jobs stuck in a crappy call centre for a 'sub-premium' finance company, taking abusive, desperate calls from people whose lives were as fucked up as mine was. Around this time my son was diagnosed with Aspergers, and it clicked that I was on the spectrum myself - the walls started closing in on me at this point, and the stress of the job, the sensory overload and exhaustion from having to deal with people all day, and harassment from my department manager, I became clinically depressed and eventually had a nervous breakdown. I haven't held down a job since, in almost three years.
Computing appears to be the way forward for me, most likely self-employed, but I don't yet have enough skills to sell. So at the moment, here I stay.
I hope that addresses your reasons for the callout - if you want to clear anything else up, you know where to find me.
dunc
