I'm a living paradox.

[RageBeoulve]

Well i'll take from this that there is no actual cure for being a monster, because it feels so fucking good to be bad. Lol. 

Glad someone else can relate though. I was starting to think I was the only person feeling this way.

[DirtDawg]

Well i'll take from this that there is no actual cure for being a monster, because it feels so fucking good to be bad. Lol. 

Glad someone else can relate though. I was starting to think I was the only person feeling this way.

The good feeling goes away after a while and never comes back. All that is left is an empty, regretful anxiety, sustained by ever increasing puzzlement as to the rooted depth of ones violence.
Kind of optimistic to expect much more than a dark tangle of pain to grow well in such hurtful soil, don't you think?

[renaeden]

Not everyone is like you, DirtDawg.


All kinds of paradoxes. At times I want to socialise and have friends. Other times I hate people and want everyone to leave me alone.

[Pyraxis]

This aspect of myself deeply contradicts the man I want to be. I WANT to be wise and respected. I want to be looked up to. I want to be liked, and not feared.

It is possible to have both. Rage+youth=asshole. Rage+wisdom=respected protector.

I don't think you need to reject it and embrace peace per se. Instead of seeing it as a dichotomy where you have to deny in order to grow, see it as being smarter about how you use it.

Most of all I just don't want to be in trouble anymore, or have people hate me because they think i'm a total asshole and a psycho.

But you want to keep the bits you're proud of, or you'd just quit. It's a question of untangling which are which.

Why can't I be good?

Grass is greener. I've spent most of my life "good" and seek to escape it with the same frustration you seek to escape this.

[RageBeoulve]

To escape huh? Yeah.

I guess we all have our own little demons don't we?

It is possible to have both. Rage+youth=asshole. Rage+wisdom=respected protector.

That definitely makes sense. I guess i'm still just too young at this point, but i'll never give up again.

[vodz]

You should be a cop or detective or bounty-hunter.

[El]

The world doesn't reward goodness as readily as it does badness; even once your demons are more under your control it's an uphill battle to 'do the right thing', Rage.  To want to be good in spite of that is, I think, admirable- honesty, integity, compassion, kindness and selflessness are, for example, beautiful things that can tranform your life and the lives of others you will know, but you'll also always have less options available to getting what you want than will those willing to lie, cheat, hurt, manipulate or ignore.

[RageBeoulve]

You should be a cop or detective or bounty-hunter.

Yeah. People have told me that kind of stuff before. I even tried the army, but I ended up getting in too many fights. Maybe a bounty hunter.

[RageBeoulve]

The world doesn't reward goodness as readily as it does badness; even once your demons are more under your control it's an uphill battle to 'do the right thing', Rage.  To want to be good in spite of that is, I think, admirable- honesty, integity, compassion, kindness and selflessness are, for example, beautiful things that can tranform your life and the lives of others you will know, but you'll also always have less options available to getting what you want than will those willing to lie, cheat, hurt, manipulate or ignore.

Yeah. Thats my problem. I've realized that being really strong doesn't matter if you're all alone. People look up to the kind of person that does the right thing, and thats the man I want to be.

[DirtDawg]

Not everyone is like you, DirtDawg.


All kinds of paradoxes. At times I want to socialise and have friends. Other times I hate people and want everyone to leave me alone.

I was not speaking of paradoxes in general. I believe that we are all brim full with our own unique sets of paradoxes, most of which make little sense to the average person.  Yet, almost none of the many paradoxes, which some of us have revealed of ourselves, seem to even nudge a raised brow of surprise from any of us, do they?

I was addressing directly the limited context of this particular quotation from Rage:

Well i'll take from this that there is no actual cure for being a monster, because it feels so fucking good to be bad. Lol. 

I suppose I should have been more specific when I replied earlier.
Sorry if I got you all exited, but I was not doing a ToM thing  (... THAT  time).

[DirtDawg]

You should be a cop or detective or bounty-hunter.

Yeah. People have told me that kind of stuff before. I even tried the army, but I ended up getting in too many fights. Maybe a bounty hunter.

... or how about a Federal Marshall, serving warrants. Tough dudes! Not sure I would want to go to work every day in Kevlar, though.

[Pyraxis]

It is possible to have both. Rage+youth=asshole. Rage+wisdom=respected protector.

That definitely makes sense. I guess i'm still just too young at this point, but i'll never give up again.

Yeah, and young is a state of mind. Maybe you're passing it.

[RageBeoulve]

It is possible to have both. Rage+youth=asshole. Rage+wisdom=respected protector.

That definitely makes sense. I guess i'm still just too young at this point, but i'll never give up again.

Yeah, and young is a state of mind. Maybe you're passing it.

Yeah. Never been so conflicted before, so maybe i'm going through a transition stage in my life.

[Alex179]

Revenge is really sweet and it can feel great to really hurt someone.    I don't think that I could get addicted to it, as I do have some remorse after the fact if the person is injured badly.   It is actually pretty difficult to get me angry enough to be violent.  When it happens, the type of violence that I usually prefer is planned and not just an immediate reaction to the situation.  

[DirtDawg]

It is possible to have both. Rage+youth=asshole. Rage+wisdom=respected protector.

That definitely makes sense. I guess i'm still just too young at this point, but i'll never give up again.

Yeah, and young is a state of mind. Maybe you're passing it.

Yeah. Never been so conflicted before, so maybe i'm going through a transition stage in my life.

Conflict resolution is actually a pretty good way of identifying transitions as they occur. The hardest part of understanding some of the really important transitions is recognizing what the center of the conflict was actually about and how it began, which beginning, stumbling baby steps you took in attempting to go around it actually you led you deeper into it and which ones helped you to keep a solid base beneath you as you began to face it head-on.