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Author Topic: I'm a living paradox.  (Read 930 times)

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Offline RageBeoulve

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I'm a living paradox.
« on: February 18, 2009, 12:37:26 PM »
I am growing up more and more every day. I have come to the point in my maturity where I try and embrace the "peaceful" views and I have begun to try and think of myself as becoming wizened by all my fuckups and bad experiences. I'm starting to try and think of myself as superior to that kind of thing.


However. Deep inside there is an enormous inferno. More like an atomic blast. It gives me a rush of pleasure when I commit violent acts. I love to fight, and I love to beat the hell out of people. I love working out and running until I puke. I love being strong. I love to intimidate people. I even love the scars and wounds i've accumulated. I think of them as badges.

This aspect of myself deeply contradicts the man I want to be. I WANT to be wise and respected. I want to be looked up to. I want to be liked, and not feared. Most of all I just don't want to be in trouble anymore, or have people hate me because they think i'm a total asshole and a psycho.


Why can't I get away from this? Why can't I be good?
« Last Edit: February 18, 2009, 12:43:31 PM by RageBeoulve »
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"I’m fearless in my heart.
They will always see that in my eyes.
I am the passion; I am the warfare.
I will never stop...
always constant, accurate, and intense."

  - Steve Vai, "The Audience is Listening"

Offline earthboundmisfit

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2009, 12:57:52 PM »
I used to be just like you, man. I fit in quite well when I was in the Marines. I finally learned to stop fighting the demons and make friends with them. They are on MY side now.
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Offline RageBeoulve

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2009, 01:06:28 PM »
I know what you mean. I've been trying to do that for a while now, but I always seem to have those brief moments where I feel the NEED to knock someone out because I don't like a look they game me or something. Like NEED to feel them go limp under my fists.

Plus I was in the army for a while, and it just didn't work out. Didn't get a dishonorable though.
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"I’m fearless in my heart.
They will always see that in my eyes.
I am the passion; I am the warfare.
I will never stop...
always constant, accurate, and intense."

  - Steve Vai, "The Audience is Listening"

Offline earthboundmisfit

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2009, 01:11:14 PM »
I look at it like my brain is a living monster inside my head. You gotta feed it, exercise it, or it will start kicking in the walls and eating itself.
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Offline RageBeoulve

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2009, 01:12:45 PM »
Yeah. You ARE similar to me then dude. Thats hauntingly similar to my situation.
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"I’m fearless in my heart.
They will always see that in my eyes.
I am the passion; I am the warfare.
I will never stop...
always constant, accurate, and intense."

  - Steve Vai, "The Audience is Listening"

Offline Pissgai

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2009, 01:18:20 PM »
Quote from: RageBeoulve on February 18, 2009, 01:06:28 PM
I know what you mean. I've been trying to do that for a while now, but I always seem to have those brief moments where I feel the NEED to knock someone out because I don't like a look they game me or something. Like NEED to feel them go limp under my fists.

Plus I was in the army for a while, and it just didn't work out. Didn't get a dishonorable though.

It's okay; not everyone enjoys the honour of raping and murdering foreigners for their country's prosperity and status quo.
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I'm here to fuck you up. :P

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Offline earthboundmisfit

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2009, 01:19:23 PM »
True. some of us just do it for fun.
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Offline RageBeoulve

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2009, 01:22:10 PM »
I actually did it for fun. I didn't get along with my NCOs though. Lol.
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"I’m fearless in my heart.
They will always see that in my eyes.
I am the passion; I am the warfare.
I will never stop...
always constant, accurate, and intense."

  - Steve Vai, "The Audience is Listening"

Offline Pissgai

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2009, 01:22:25 PM »
Quote from: earthboundmisfit on February 18, 2009, 01:19:23 PM
True. some of us just do it for fun.

Fuck yourself, staple man.
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Offline earthboundmisfit

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #9 on: February 18, 2009, 01:23:34 PM »
Oh, relax.
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Offline Pissgai

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #10 on: February 18, 2009, 01:24:22 PM »
Quote from: earthboundmisfit on February 18, 2009, 01:23:34 PM
Oh, relax.

I'm just asking you to go masturbate.
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Offline RageBeoulve

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #11 on: February 18, 2009, 01:25:57 PM »
Quote from: Pissgai on February 18, 2009, 01:24:22 PM
Quote from: earthboundmisfit on February 18, 2009, 01:23:34 PM
Oh, relax.

I'm just asking you to go masturbate.

Sure man. I was going to anyway. Thanks for reminding me.  ;)
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"I’m fearless in my heart.
They will always see that in my eyes.
I am the passion; I am the warfare.
I will never stop...
always constant, accurate, and intense."

  - Steve Vai, "The Audience is Listening"

Offline earthboundmisfit

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #12 on: February 18, 2009, 01:27:14 PM »
I am. I'm multitasking.
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Offline Pissgai

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #13 on: February 18, 2009, 01:27:27 PM »
Quote from: RageBeoulve on February 18, 2009, 01:25:57 PM
Quote from: Pissgai on February 18, 2009, 01:24:22 PM
Quote from: earthboundmisfit on February 18, 2009, 01:23:34 PM
Oh, relax.

I'm just asking you to go masturbate.

Sure man. I was going to anyway. Thanks for reminding me.  ;)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, fuck society man!
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Offline Pissgai

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Re: I'm a living paradox.
« Reply #14 on: February 18, 2009, 01:27:48 PM »
Quote from: earthboundmisfit on February 18, 2009, 01:27:14 PM
I am. I'm multitasking.

I give that effect on people.
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