blast from the past - new info on a bad teacher I hate, decades later

[TheoK]

You know, guys always hit as hard as they can. 

[DirtDawg]

You know, guys always hit as hard as they can. 

This is certainly not true of me.
I always pulled my punches, partly because I had broken some bones in my hands growing up from hitting walls and trees. But, when I was fifteen I got into my first real fight where I was trying to hurt someone for hurting me. I hurt him really seriously with just a few hits, even broke the bone that surrounds his eye socket, ruptured something in his larynx and put him in the hospital. It was two weeks before he returned to school and he was still fucked up looking.

To me, I over-reacted and hurt him far more than he had hurt me. Even having done this, it took me a long time to learn to control my anger. I still went off on people who pushed me too far. Honestly, though, I tried my best to let EVERY thing go and not get involved. I let people push me around a lot, until they went too far and I exploded like a wild animal, often hurting them. (the old saying, "Watch out for those quiet guys" was really true in my case.)

[TheoK]

I was pretty thin as a boy and I'm just average in height. I just had to hit as hard as I could.

[DirtDawg]

I was pretty thin as a boy and I'm just average in height. I just had to hit as hard as I could.

This guy was much larger than I was and he had been picking on me and my friends for three years, almost non-stop. I was scared of him. The only way I had ever responded to him was to cower and apologise. One day,  I was just simply done with that and flew into him, swinging like one of those machines that plucks the feathers off of poultry.

I got into several more fights in the next few years, but I was never touched (well, except for that one time I mentioned in my "ask"  thread, but no reason to go into that here, since it was personal and they had a grudge against me, they touched me hard, but I was the one still able to crawl away when it was over). I am five eleven and at fifteen, I was wiry, well muscled, kind of big-boned and about one hundred seventy five pounds.  I'm not big, but I'm fast (used to be, that is).
In my senior year, I was on the boxing team, but I was unable to keep my weight from entering the "heavy weight"  class (one hundred eighty nine and one half pounds was the line - I was often over one ninety), so I always had a rough time at the matches as the smallest heavy weight. It was damn good for me, though.

I took some martial arts beginning in my twenties, it helped a lot and I think everyone should try it. You gain a good deal of experience knowing JUST how much force to use in hostile situations, without hurting people, and it is very true that you can also gain enough personal confidence that you often diffuse scary situations with no violence at all. The exercise is enough reason to give it a try, alone, but the other benefits make the arts almost essential and it affects all aspects of your life.
Obviously, I have slowed down quite a lot since I was in my thirties and forties, lost some of my strength, hardly ever work out anymore, but I am still the wrong old man to fuck with and I never have those "same old fears" anymore.

[TheoK]

I'm 5' 10" but I just weighed about 140 pounds as a teen. I could never gain weight back then. 

[Callaway]

I took some martial arts training as an adult as well, but not when I was a kid being picked on.  I really could have used it then.

You are right about it teaching you more control, both physical control and self-control.  I could swing at you as if I were going to punch right through you, but stop at barely touching your clothing with my fist, assuming of course you didn't block me first.  I also learned a lot about blocking kicks and punches.

My husband and I thought long and hard about getting classes for our daughter, but given her physical aggression, we decided against giving her more training in physical control.

She might have learned more self-control but we couldn't be sure, so the last thing we needed was her to just become more well-trained in punching and kicking.

[TheoK]

I just checked out: I weighed 61 kilos or 135 pounds at 18, which means I weighed even less earlier. I exercised a lot at home but could never gain much muscles due to my low weight. 

[Christopher McCandless]

True. But I think the cane should be a last resort and it should be given by the headmaster/headmistress and written up in a book. I don't believe kids should get the cane for being slow learners.

Depends if the slow learning is their own fault or not - i.e. their own laziness.

I don't think it's the place of the teacher to make such judgements.

I agree.  Too many lazy teachers would place the blame on the child and his/her laziness rather than recognize the real issues with which the child contends.

Its normally obvious who the lazy ones are - ask them what work they have been doing and you get a blank look back in response.

My daughter's special education teacher felt qualified to recommend that I drug my daughter and she told me that my daughter couldn't possibly be autistic because "autistic children don't hit" even though I had a private assessment from someone infinitely more qualified than she that said that my daughter was indeed autistic.

My favorite one is "autistic people can't lie". Guess how much fun I have had with that one over the years.

[TheoK]

My shrink - a chief psychiatrician - told me honestly that I can't lie. 

[Pyraxis]

I took some martial arts training as an adult as well, but not when I was a kid being picked on.  I really could have used it then.

I am still trying to understand why, though I was picked on plenty, I was never actually hit, grabbed, tripped, etc. What makes a bully decide to use words and what makes one decide to use force, if the target is equally weak at both?

[TheoK]

Words will kill you slowly. I didn't get beaten up much physically either but was bullied with words every fucking day for many years.

[Callaway]

I took some martial arts training as an adult as well, but not when I was a kid being picked on.  I really could have used it then.

I am still trying to understand why, though I was picked on plenty, I was never actually hit, grabbed, tripped, etc. What makes a bully decide to use words and what makes one decide to use force, if the target is equally weak at both?

I don't know.  I was also picked on a lot verbally like you describe, but I was hit, poked, my hair pulled, etc, as well.

Maybe it could be a difference between you and me, or maybe it could just be a difference in the people who were bullying us.

[DirtDawg]

I took some martial arts training as an adult as well, but not when I was a kid being picked on.  I really could have used it then.

I am still trying to understand why, though I was picked on plenty, I was never actually hit, grabbed, tripped, etc. What makes a bully decide to use words and what makes one decide to use force, if the target is equally weak at both?

I wish I knew the answer to this one. In my son's case, he is profoundly able to use words in his own defense, but the result is that the bullies who taunt him then resort to pushing, hitting, taking his things, etc, because he has made them "look bad."

He does not seem to have my physical gifts (heightened proprioception, accuracy of movement, natural athleticism, but my daughter certainly does), although his balance seems to be every bit as exceptional as mine. Several paragraphs were made by his first diagnosing psychologist, pointing this out as an anomaly in her typical assessment of autistics. She made many comments about his clumsiness and lack of awareness of things around him, but spoke in amazement that he never seemed to fall down or lose his balance, despite tripping over her feet, bumping into her and her aides, etc.


I have no clue to tell me if it is the right time to start a program of training for him.

[TheoK]

When I was just 8-9-10 they used to use words for bullying, for my reaction usually was to punch them in the face. Then they could go to the teachers and blame me for starting the fight. Cowards.

[TheoK]

Honestly, are you surprised if Aspie kids who have the possiblity bring guns to school and kill the bullies?