I'd be the spasticated imaginary friend animal character that inexplicably talks even though other animals, even members of its own species, don't- that has occasional implied tangential romantic interlude with said silent fellow animals. I would provide constant near-cruel teasing and derisive reality-check comments mixed with nearly-apathetic albeit cheerful support, until the very end where I said something so fucking deep and profound it would peg me as a useful valuable character to the film, rather than adorable but also extremely annoying comic relief, except I'd merely be verbalizing what the main character already "knew" deep in his/her heart- perhaps bringing into question whether or not I had been talking the whole time of my own volition or as a benign hallucinatory projection on the part of the sad, misunderstood, loner main character (who, in the end, ends up rich, with a full support system, and getting vanilla sex every night with their newlywed partner, whose perfect personality is rivaled in implausibility only by their perfect cartoonish/cartoon body).
